What's wrong with the Air Force?

[hatedont]

Tom Cruise confirms ‘Top Gun 2’ is happening

https://www.google.com/amp/nypost.com/2017/05/23/tom-cruise-confirms-top-gun-2-is-happening/amp/

If it wasn't for Top Gun, Wings on the History Channel, and the Janes Combat Simulations - ATF video game, I would not be here.

Edited May 24, 2017 by hatedont

[LookieRookie]

35 minutes ago, Duck said:

AF standard. The bar they hold for everyone else is one they are incapable of meeting themselves.


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HPOs don't have to worry about lesser mortals

[FourFans]

8 hours ago, hatedont said:

Tom Cruise confirms ‘Top Gun 2’ is happening

https://www.google.com/amp/nypost.com/2017/05/23/tom-cruise-confirms-top-gun-2-is-happening/amp/

If it wasn't for Top Gun, Wings on the History Channel, and the Janes Combat Simulations - ATF video game, I would not be here.

Aren't you forgetting Iron Eagle?

[Guardian]

That belongs in the WTF post


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[brickhistory]

23 hours ago, hatedont said:

Tom Cruise confirms ‘Top Gun 2’ is happening

https://www.google.com/amp/nypost.com/2017/05/23/tom-cruise-confirms-top-gun-2-is-happening/amp/

If it wasn't for Top Gun, Wings on the History Channel, and the Janes Combat Simulations - ATF video game, I would not be here.

So the draft outline for the script for Top Gun 2 has leaked (probably Trump and/or Russians.  Same thing, right?):
 

 

"TOP GUN 2:  This Time It's Non-Gender Specific"

 

Having been caught up in the 'Fat Leonard' supply scandal, former Rear Admiral, now Captain Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell is given his final assignment as the Commanding Officer, Naval Fighter Weapons School, Miramar Naval Air Station, California.

 

Having been the number two graduate of his class in 1986, 'Maverick's' has unique insight into what the daring young aviators have to face in flying their high-performance, stomach-churning aerial chargers in modern air combat.

 

SCENE 1:

 

'Maverick' is shown being given a ticket by the Shore Patrol after he was caught driving his Lexus on the flight line road trying to keep up with an F-18 doing touch-and-goes, exceeding the station's 25 mph speed limit by nearly 8 mph.

 

SCENE 2:

'Maverick' puts the auditorium at ease to welcome the Class of 2017B.  The roster includes three women, a two-dude married couple, one undeclared person, and four heterosexual men; one black, one Hispanic, one Asian, one White.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Top Gun.  I am Captain Maverick Mitchell and I want...yes?  What is it, lieutenant?"

 

"Sir, you only welcomed the ladies - which is a very patriarchacal thing to do - and the men - which just demonstrates their historic privilege.  But you didn't include the zir.  I am offended and have uploaded your comments to youtube.  I assume I will be receiving an apology from the Department of the Navy and you after the press conference with Gloria Allred?"

 

SCENE 3:

Operations Officer Holly 'Diaper' Nowak briefing the class for a mission:

"Today, you are scheduled for a 4v4 DACT - Hornets against the 3rd generation contract air.  Unfortunately, the MC rate won't support it, so "Snowflake" and "Cis-G" you two will go fly a BFM.  The rest of you can knock out some of your CBTs."

 

SCENE 4:  Having sweated their way through the CBTs, the 2017B class makes its way over to the Miramar All-Ranks Club where the SARC and Alcohol Prevention offices check their IDs at the door, carefully noting their data, and placing their CAC cards in the file to be retrieved on the way out, after the mandatory breathalyzer and room sweep checking for sexual assault victims.

 

Finally making their way to the near-empty bar, as the Isley Brothers "You've lost that lovin' feelin'" begins to blare from the speakers, the four heterosexual men are accosted by the irate school instructor that looks remarkably like Kelly McGillis.  But not the hot, wild-haired Kelly.  No this the haggish, yet with an Adam's apple, Kelly who instantly begins to berate them for building the modern world.

 

SCENE 5:

Meanwhile, in an unnamed Middle Eastern country, the despot that rules that arid, worthless land gases and kills his citizens.  Despite it having absolutely no strategic value to the United States, the President, fully backed by the hawks in Congress dependent upon the defense contractors in their districts, sends a short-manned carrier battle group to the region.  Why it's short-manned, especially in pilots, is never questioned.

 

Class 2017B receives its orders to man, er, person-up the carrier's flight department despite not having worked up or being current in carrier operations.

 

Stepping into their F-35Cs, they find out that "this helmet is too heavy."  This ejection seat is "too tall."  But this all-seeing, all-knowing fighter is "just right."

 

Flying an Alpha strike (not your father's Vietnam Alpha strike of 50 jets), this one has four F-35s and two UCAVs, our class of heroes flies into the double-digit SAM rings where they all synch their Blueteeth to some Starbuck's selected folk-rock tunes and proceed to ISR the hell out of the dirt.

 

They return to the boat, all take the three wire, shut down.

 

And hand in their separation papers since they each got a call from major airline.

 

 

AND CUT...

[Bode]

How on God's green earth does a GO and their staff screw that up??  That's a pretty glaring mistake that I'm sure caused a few days of serious angst for those dudes.  UFB.

Lets go back to 2014 and remember the fail that was VSP and TERA. The lack of info and guidance. Last minute changes and delay after delay and yet no one was hammered.... it's AF standard for shoe clerks.


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[hatedont]

10 hours ago, brickhistory said:

So the draft outline for the script for Top Gun 2 has leaked (probably Trump and/or Russians.  Same thing, right?):
 

 

"TOP GUN 2:  This Time It's Non-Gender Specific"

 

Having been caught up in the 'Fat Leonard' supply scandal, former Rear Admiral, now Captain Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell is given his final assignment as the Commanding Officer, Naval Fighter Weapons School, Miramar Naval Air Station, California.

 

Having been the number two graduate of his class in 1986, 'Maverick's' has unique insight into what the daring young aviators have to face in flying their high-performance, stomach-churning aerial chargers in modern air combat.

 

SCENE 1:

 

'Maverick' is shown being given a ticket by the Shore Patrol after he was caught driving his Lexus on the flight line road trying to keep up with an F-18 doing touch-and-goes, exceeding the station's 25 mph speed limit by nearly 8 mph.

 

SCENE 2:

'Maverick' puts the auditorium at ease to welcome the Class of 2017B.  The roster includes three women, a two-dude married couple, one undeclared person, and four heterosexual men; one black, one Hispanic, one Asian, one White.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Top Gun.  I am Captain Maverick Mitchell and I want...yes?  What is it, lieutenant?"

 

"Sir, you only welcomed the ladies - which is a very patriarchacal thing to do - and the men - which just demonstrates their historic privilege.  But you didn't include the zir.  I am offended and have uploaded your comments to youtube.  I assume I will be receiving an apology from the Department of the Navy and you after the press conference with Gloria Allred?"

 

SCENE 3:

Operations Officer Holly 'Diaper' Nowak briefing the class for a mission:

"Today, you are scheduled for a 4v4 DACT - Hornets against the 3rd generation contract air.  Unfortunately, the MC rate won't support it, so "Snowflake" and "Cis-G" you two will go fly a BFM.  The rest of you can knock out some of your CBTs."

 

SCENE 4:  Having sweated their way through the CBTs, the 2017B class makes its way over to the Miramar All-Ranks Club where the SARC and Alcohol Prevention offices check their IDs at the door, carefully noting their data, and placing their CAC cards in the file to be retrieved on the way out, after the mandatory breathalyzer and room sweep checking for sexual assault victims.

 

Finally making their way to the near-empty bar, as the Isley Brothers "You've lost that lovin' feelin'" begins to blare from the speakers, the four heterosexual men are accosted by the irate school instructor that looks remarkably like Kelly McGillis.  But not the hot, wild-haired Kelly.  No this the haggish, yet with an Adam's apple, Kelly who instantly begins to berate them for building the modern world.

 

SCENE 5:

Meanwhile, in an unnamed Middle Eastern country, the despot that rules that arid, worthless land gases and kills his citizens.  Despite it having absolutely no strategic value to the United States, the President, fully backed by the hawks in Congress dependent upon the defense contractors in their districts, sends a short-manned carrier battle group to the region.  Why it's short-manned, especially in pilots, is never questioned.

 

Class 2017B receives its orders to man, er, person-up the carrier's flight department despite not having worked up or being current in carrier operations.

 

Stepping into their F-35Cs, they find out that "this helmet is too heavy."  This ejection seat is "too tall."  But this all-seeing, all-knowing fighter is "just right."

 

Flying an Alpha strike (not your father's Vietnam Alpha strike of 50 jets), this one has four F-35s and two UCAVs, our class of heroes flies into the double-digit SAM rings where they all synch their Blueteeth to some Starbuck's selected folk-rock tunes and proceed to ISR the hell out of the dirt.

 

They return to the boat, all take the three wire, shut down.

 

And hand in their separation papers since they each got a call from major airline.

 

 

AND CUT...

Were you sitting SOF or Ops Sup when this was written?

[FourFans]

13 minutes ago, hatedont said:

Were you sitting SOF or Ops Sup when this was written?

brick?  Hell, he was drinking scotch somewhere...probably Redbreast 12...

Edited May 25, 2017 by FourFans130

[VMFA187]

13 hours ago, brickhistory said:

So the draft outline for the script for Top Gun 2 has leaked (probably Trump and/or Russians.  Same thing, right?):
 

 

"TOP GUN 2:  This Time It's Non-Gender Specific"

 

Absolutely brilliant.

Shared amongst Miramar fighter pilots.

[DirkDiggler]

4 hours ago, FourFans130 said:

brick?  Hell, he was drinking scotch somewhere...probably Redbreast 12...

It'd be a snort of the Irish if it's Redbreast

[Azimuth]

[hatedont]

Air Force puts money where its mouth is to retain airmen

https://federalnewsradio.com/air-force/2017/05/air-force-puts-money-where-its-mouth-is-to-retain-airmen/

Lightening the load

As a means of easing the burden of additional duties on airmen, the service plans on increasing its commander support staff (CSS) by 1,600 over the next five years. About 200 will be added in 2018, Martin said.

That includes 170 officers, 469 enlisted airmen and 961 civilians. Those employees will be distributed to the nearly 2,000 active-duty squadrons.

[Guardian]

Except they won't promote us.


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[Bender]

 

Yeah...in line with your expectations of the world I hope. Disappointing, yes...surprising, not so much.

 

Buck up Azimuth! We'll all be dead soon enough.

 

Bendy

 

 

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[Fuzz]

53 minutes ago, hatedont said:

Air Force puts money where its mouth is to retain airmen

https://federalnewsradio.com/air-force/2017/05/air-force-puts-money-where-its-mouth-is-to-retain-airmen/

Lightening the load

As a means of easing the burden of additional duties on airmen, the service plans on increasing its commander support staff (CSS) by 1,600 over the next five years. About 200 will be added in 2018, Martin said.

That includes 170 officers, 469 enlisted airmen and 961 civilians. Those employees will be distributed to the nearly 2,000 active-duty squadrons.

We don't need them in 5 years, we needed them yesterday. Also it's the same thing we've heard about CSSs coming back for years now, I'm not going to hold my breath for something years down the road.

[hatedont]

3 minutes ago, Fuzz said:

We don't need them in 5 years, we needed them yesterday. Also it's the same thing we've heard about CSSs coming back for years now, I'm not going to hold my breath for something years down the road.

I'm hearing a violin.

[nunya]

1 hour ago, hatedont said:

As a means of easing the burden of additional duties on airmen, the service plans on increasing its commander support staff (CSS) by 1,600 over the next five years. About 200 will be added in 2018, Martin said.

That includes 170 officers, 469 enlisted airmen and 961 civilians. Those employees will be distributed to the nearly 2,000 active-duty squadrons.

C for effort.  I'm just not convinced 0.8 bodies per squadron will do much. 

[DirtyFlightSuit]

Guys guess what we fixed the problem... in several years... no seriously we mean it... please don't go...

[HU&W]

1 hour ago, nunya said:

C for effort.  I'm just not convinced 0.8 bodies per squadron will do much. 

True.  My bet is they put all of them in a single consolidated CSS to maximize efficiency and unity of effort.  They'll probably locate the consolidated CSS in San Antonio.

[LookieRookie]

The Reserves are a little behind the power curve. We're currently getting manpower studies/updated UMDs that move the CSSs to the group level. Oh and SQ/CCs lost their secretaries! Wahoo!

[Bode]

The Reserves are a little behind the power curve. We're currently getting manpower studies/updated UMDs that move the CSSs to the group level. Oh and SQ/CCs lost their secretaries! Wahoo!

Pretty sure active duty has already said man power study. We moved CSSs to the group back in 06 at Spangdahlem as a test. Of course though we probably have no record of it either.


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[SuperWSO]

41 minutes ago, Lstcause257 said:

 Of course though we probably have no record of it either.


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No shit, the CSS was probably the records manager, maintainer of file plans!  The history of the test was rejected at the Group for formatting and punctuation errors in paragraph one and returned to the SQ CSS after they left town.

[skibum]

8 hours ago, Azimuth said:

I think the mods should move this to the WTF thread. At least everyone at Boeing has the option to quit, and Rhat can't fire them without cause.

[dream big]

9 hours ago, Azimuth said:

Oh holy hell.  Little Rock AFB's morale is still recovering from this piece of work.  He is everything that was toxic in the AF.  I remember IPs were terrified of air dropping because a bad bomb board would be preceded with a trip to ole Rhat 

[FourFans]

Azimuth, you everyone beer for posting that picture.

Good riddance!

You might as well have posted a picture of this guy.

(DISCLAIMER: If you were in the 41 AS in the 2008-2009 time frame, don't click that link, you already know who it is.)

 

FF

Edited May 26, 2017 by FourFans130