LockheedFix Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 From OAKN Appch: Reach 123 turn left direct Kandahar. When you roll out, the airfield will be at your 12 o'clock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaman Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Well, I don't know if any of you will find this funny, but it was amusing to think about after the fact. A couple or so years ago I was a Captain on a Beech 1900, and flying from some town in West Virginia no one has heard of to Washington-Dulles on what was then the "Jasen 4" arrival. I think we were behind schedule and I requested to direct Linden VOR. Typically, they usually approved this request about 95% of the time, however this day fell in the other 5%. A rather curt "unable" was the reply from Washington ARTCC. I got a little annoyed and kinda...sorta...under my breath mumbled something like...That's ######ing bullshit! Oops! No further transmissions from Wash. ARTCC were given except to contact Potomac Approach. I thought that my F/O was going to have Pepsi come out of his nose he was laughing so hard...Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled programming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slander Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I said it today and wanted to kick myself in the nuts, but any time I hear someone say "Level Flight Level XX" I laugh because it sounds so stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pawnman Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 About a year ago, we sent one of our yougn ACs to Predators...fast-forward, and he's working the same area as one of our planes. As they realize they recognize his voice, one of the WSOs tells him that he recently got engaged (here in the desert, but that's another story). The Pred pilot replied: "Copy, you're coming in broken and stupid". Keep in mind, this is all occurring on the JTAC's working freq... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slander Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Hear it all the time overseas. Remember, class "A" is a variable altitude. Yeah I know, and the FIH says it's supposed to be that way but I feel like a retard when I say "level flight level" and I think it's funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discus Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Yeah I know, and the FIH says it's supposed to be that way but I feel like a retard when I say "level flight level" and I think it's funny. Touch'e Maybe bad timing, but when IS a good time, after all. In an E-3 on a pilot pro sortie, after a hard touch and go in Tulsa, tower said "Take that, Runway!!, Sentry 32, climb and mx...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smokin Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 In Korea: SDAK controller on guard: "(Osan A-10) Hot Doggie, Hot Doggie! Hot Doggie! Hot Doggie! You are approaching DMZ! Snap West, Hot Doggie! Snap West, Hot Doggie! Snap West, Hot Doggie! Snap West, Snap West, Snap West, Snap West Immedrety or I wirr kick your a$$!" 6-9 min later A-10 on guard "I'm 20 miles over the ocean, mind if I turn back before I get to China?: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gas Man Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Just happened today over RDU. Over guard some dude starts asking "Alice are you up.......Alice are you up". All of the usual return calls "you are on guard, dude so are you, so am I!" Then some Burley sounding dude came up "This is Alice". Guess you had to be there, it was pretty funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HU&W Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 While flying a T-6 the other day... Controller: Turn left heading one-seven-zero, climb and maintain nine-zero thousand feet. If only I could have complied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outbreak Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 It's been a while since there's been one from that hilarious tower chief in SW Asia. Us: Tower Crome XX, parking Charlie row, mx requests we keep all four engines running (normally we gotta shut down outboards to taxi on charlie row) Tower: oh no no no. This is against rules. But I tell you, if you go very quiet, and sneak, maybe no one see you. -------- We're handed off from approach to tower. Tower: Crome XX, make downwind, runway 12 rrrriight Us: Downwind 12R Crome XX At this point, it's the copilots approach. It's VFR and he hits his normal downwind landmark, but we're coming from the opposite direction so he's unfamiliar. He angles the downwind toward the field and ends up overshooting his turn to final by about a mile. Tower: Crome XX, do you have the runway in sight? Us: Uhhh...Roger, Crome XX Tower: Ok, if you have runway in sight, clear to land with the gears down, runway 12 rrrright Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Champ Kind Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Also at OKAS, after switching from Mohalab to Tower freq. Us: "Tower, CROME XX, request visibility on the field." OKAS Tower: "CROME XX, for you, gooooooood visibility." I felt like I was bargaining at a market or something, but I laughed my ass off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifty-six & Two Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Another OKAS story with the same legendary tower chief: CROME 22 holding short. CROME 24 just landed. Chief: "CROME 22, Mohalab's radio has just went out. I am afraid for your safety and I cannot let you take off. Are you good pilots? Can you find your way without Mohalab?" CROME 22: "Yes sir, we are good pilots, we can find our way to our destination." Chief: "CROME 24, can you vouch for CROME 22? Are they good pilots? I am afraid to let them go because what if another plane comes in, how will they know where he is? I fear for them." CROME 24: "CROME 22 has exceptional pilots. I am confident they can find their way. The weather is clear, so if they see another plane, they can avoid him. They are very good pilots and should be allowed to go." Chief: "OHHHHH...I don't know....CROME 24. OK CROME 22, I let you go, cleared for takeoff, but only maintain 5000' until the border. You are good pilots, so I let you. Be very safe." CROME 22 departs and after they pass about 1000', Chief comes over the radio and says "CROME 22, confirm that your copilot is awake?" CR 22 replies affirmative. "He is? Ok, safe travels, you let me know when you contact Ali, maintain 5000'." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FourFans Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 My favorite OKAS Tower story. We're returning from a base just inside Iraq so we're still on nogs and it's a clear night with zero traffic so we call the field in sight and Moholab switches us to tower nearly 20 miles out. US: Crome 23 with you 20 miles northwest direct x-ray Tower: Copy Crome 23, direct x-ray, decend 3000 ft, call field in sight. US: Crome 23 direct x-ray, down to 3000 ft, we have the field in sight. Tower: No No No No. You do not have field in sight, do not lie! I tell you when you have field in sight! US: Copy, down the 3000, direct x-ray, no lies. Tower: Crome 25 LIIIIIIIINE up and hold. FF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HerkDerka Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Chief: "CROME 22, Mohalab's radio has just went out. I am afraid for your safety and I cannot let you take off. It's funny to hear Mohalab being thought of as a safety tool. The last time I flew with Mohalab I got cleared for a visual approach while I was IMC with the weather at mins, requesting the ILS, and on a divergent heading. One of my favorties from the same guy: (Holding short of Charlie and waiting for another herk to pass.) "Glide 56, wait there and give a chance." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outbreak Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 When we call ground for clearance, we don't give a destination, just "tactical to the north." I wasn't on the crew, but I heard about it later, when a copilot gave their destination ICAO to the tower chief. Ground: Ooohhhh Crome XX, you tell me destination is Baghdad. I call Al Quaida. Five thousand dollars and I won't call them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ripster Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Passed down from a friend...Something like this. ATC: (Aircraft) Descend to 4,500. Expedite descent and slow to final approach speed. Aircraft: Unable. ATC: Don't you have spoilers on that thing? Aircraft: Affirmative. Spoilers are for my mistakes though not yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest spottsar Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I'm on my second-ever solo out of Shenandoah Valley Regional... Me: Cherokee XXXX departing runway 5, Shenandoah Voice: Liberator XXXX on 3 mile final, Shenandoah Me: <Liberator?? wtf??> Me: Cherokee XXXX awaiting traffic on final to Shenandoah Two minutes later, a WWII B-24 Liberator lumbered past as my jaw hit the floor. I *think* there are only two of these things still flying, turns out the Collings Foundation was bringing theirs in for an airshow. Pretty cool sight to catch up-close for a rather green student pilot. I'm sure the look on my face was classic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoHum Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Two minutes later, a WWII B-24 Liberator lumbered past as my jaw hit the floor. I *think* there are only two of these things still flying, turns out the Collings Foundation was bringing theirs in for an airshow. Pretty cool sight to catch up-close for a rather green student pilot. I'm sure the look on my face was classic. Cool bird. I've got some shots of that bird and their B-17 laying around my place somewhere; they showed up when I was knocking out IFT in my last semester of school. One of ém needed an oil change and I had just upgraded to a half-ton, so I ran them to another town to pick up a couple of drums of oil. They has space left on their next B-17 ride, so they quietly got me on board, so as not to piss off all the folks that had paid lots of good money to get a ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
contraildash Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Cool bird. I touched it's titty a few years back: When leaving German controllers, everyone usually throws out a "tschüss". The other day on my way back from Aviano, we heard a JAL flight get handed off and it was "aarr-shroooss-ra". So stereotypically priceless. I wish I could record that kinda stuff.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outbreak Posted February 1, 2010 Share Posted February 1, 2010 When leaving German controllers, everyone usually throws out a "tschüss". The other day on my way back from Aviano, we heard a JAL flight get handed off and it was "aarr-shroooss-ra". So stereotypically priceless. I wish I could record that kinda stuff.... Too many consonants in that word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dead Last Posted February 2, 2010 Share Posted February 2, 2010 When we call ground for clearance, we don't give a destination, just "tactical to the north." I wasn't on the crew, but I heard about it later, when a copilot gave their destination ICAO to the tower chief. Ground: Ooohhhh Crome XX, you tell me destination is Baghdad. I call Al Quaida. Five thousand dollars and I won't call them! I got the chance to meet him back in '05 and the guy has some stories to tell, if you get the chance it's worth it. I have been in the other theater for the past couple years so it sounds like I've missed out on some gems... cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ak47 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 So we were cruising around the world with FRED last week watching the dots pass us by on the NAV display. The opposite direction was pretty busy so we were chatting about planes passing 1k' directly overhead when an Emirates A380 wizzed past. The mic keyed and we heard in a calm (American, strangely) voice "we're bigger than you." We cracked up, but sadly, yes, that's a huge-ass plane. Our only consolation is that our tail won't fall off... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hvydvr Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 Names witheld to protect the innocent: One dark calm night over France REACH ###: "Marseilles Cntrl, RCH ### checking in 280." Cntl (In a sexy French female voice) Rojaa RCH ### cleared Lyon Satolas then as filed." A few minutes later.... REACH YYY: "Marseilles Control, RCH YYY checking in 280." Cntl responds in the same sexy way. Over the primary ATC victor freq comes RCH ### "Dude, she speaks French...I touch myself...." RCH YYY over AMC Common (uniform): "That went out over victor dumbass." Sexy French girl...."Calling Marseilles?" All crew on freq sit in the dark and wonder what she looks like. RCH ### is thankfully silent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JarheadBoom Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Thread revival Heard a couple nights ago: (male, amped-up redneck): "Goooood evenin' Wash Center, this is CIIIIIIIIIIII-TATION xxxx, climbin' through fourteen-point-five for Flight Level Two-Threeeeee-Zerooo, havin' a WONDERFUL evenin'!!" Wash. Center (female, totally unimpressed): "Citation xxxx, Washington Center, roger." Later in the same flight... "Command Post, Reach xxx, we're about uhhhhh 30 out, we're uhhhhh A2, and we've ahhhhh got x pallets, [5-second pause with radio still keyed] and uhhhh 4 of them are T2s, and we've got 7 uhhhhh Space-As, [3-second pause with radio still keyed] and we'll need Customs, and ahhhhh, we don't have any Customs forms, so uhhhhh we'll need some Customs forms brought out when we arrive, annnnnd [5-second pause with radio still keyed] we'll need 60k of fuel, and a bus for uhhhhh x crewmembers. [3-second pause with radio still keyed] How copy?" I wanted to reach through the radio and choke the dude until the noises stopped... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BQZip01 Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 Thread revival Heard a couple nights ago: (male, amped-up redneck): "Goooood evenin' Wash Center, this is CIIIIIIIIIIII-TATION xxxx, climbin' through fourteen-point-five for Flight Level Two-Threeeeee-Zerooo, havin' a WONDERFUL evenin'!!" Wash. Center (female, totally unimpressed): "Citation xxxx, Washington Center, roger." Later in the same flight... "Command Post, Reach xxx, we're about uhhhhh 30 out, we're uhhhhh A2, and we've ahhhhh got x pallets, [5-second pause with radio still keyed] and uhhhh 4 of them are T2s, and we've got 7 uhhhhh Space-As, [3-second pause with radio still keyed] and we'll need Customs, and ahhhhh, we don't have any Customs forms, so uhhhhh we'll need some Customs forms brought out when we arrive, annnnnd [5-second pause with radio still keyed] we'll need 60k of fuel, and a bus for uhhhhh x crewmembers. [3-second pause with radio still keyed] How copy?" I wanted to reach through the radio and choke the dude until the noises stopped... What's the funniest thing you've heard over the radio, not the most annoying 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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