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Gents, found out my wife had been having two affairs over the past 5 months. One while I was deployed. I got video/picture evidence of the affair through legal means. Tried to get her to work it out through marriage counseling but she just served me papers this week. We have 3 kids. I am currently an ANG dude part timer and start at a major airline here in April. Got any advice? Currently living in Florida. Mostly worried about her going after a huge chunk of my measly first year pay and my VA Disability. Fighting for 50/50 with the kids even though she is a terrible mother, but now the kids are just pawns. Thanks bros.

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Lawyer up, delete Facebook, and hit the gym is the popular mantra on Reddit.

Look at it this way, you don’t have an AD retirement she can take half of, and you might as well move to whatever base you get to make sitting reserve easier.


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Sorry to hear that, Brother.

Wrap your brain around the concept that she will get half of everything you ever earned while you were together. If you're able to come out better, then it's all gravy.

Do everything you can to remain civil and professional with her. Never let your kids hear you say anything bad about her. Ever. Not once. As strange as this sounds, moving forward your relationship with her, and it's failure are none of their business. No matter how badly she may behave, she's their Mom. If you can sit down at the kitchen table with her and put it all on a legal pad, you'll save yourself a lot of angst and attorney fees. If you can "give in" to certain things she wants in order to facilitate a quick agreement in return for certain things you want, it's worth every penny. People will give you advice like:

"Roll in on that cunt and fight her tooth and nail!"

Ask those people to compare what they think they "won" in court financially to what it cost to litigate it. It isn't worth it.

Moving forward, your relationship with her is going to be jointly parenting your kids. That relationship will be healthier for the kids if the two of you can agree to act like adults ad settle as amicably and quickly as possible.

Now;

You.

You're a pro. Compartmentalize like a MF and work your way through indoc and IOE. When you get a chance, take some time for yourself. Nonrev to Hawaii and put it all out of your mind for a few days. Exercise is your friend - the more the better. At some point in all of this process, you'll have come far enough and gotten past the anger enough to look at what happened a little more objectively. When that happens, the single most important thing you can do is forgive her and yourself for what happened. Let it fucking go.

You're also about to re-learn who your real friends are. Lean on those folks. Bigtime.

Don't medicate with booze or food.

That's it. The day you have to tell your children is the worst day of your life. Everyday after that will be just a little bit better.

Good luck, chum. Those of us who've been through this are rooting for you. Hell, you can at least call yourself a real airline pilot now!

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You might get more because of the video, you’ll get though it.  New poontang is kinda a good thought to get you moving forward, and everything LJ said, except the booze, blow it out at least 1 night.  If you make it too regular, well then, you’re a real airline pilot.

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A good squadron buddy of mine went through this last year... if I could give you one piece of advice from the observer POV..even if you think you can do everything amicably, still get a lawyer.. his started out with her being reasonable and agreeing to things but devolved into some awful shit and ended up involving lawyers

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Fortunately/unfortunately because of the extended time I was waiting for the Guard to medically clear me, (aka unemployed), she ended up blowing through our savings completely. She’s gonna get nothing, except probably alimony/child support. She just got her real estate license but hasn’t started making any money. Interviewing tomorrow and Friday at brokers. Florida is a terrible place to get a divorce as a man. I’m hearing best case id get 50/50 split of the kids. She will probably fight for more just because of the child support check. She’s gonna want to stay in the home but it’s a VA loan. So as I understand it she would have to “buy me out” and refinance it into a conventional (putting money as a down payment as well).

 

 

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That sucks. Im in the middle of a very bad one myself.

My  STBX just tried to sell our house without me knowing (im TDY right now).  She has filed a motion to sell it and sent it to my lawyer. I now have to go to court to stop her (Ill win just another 1G down the drain).  She is all over the place. 

Here is what you need to do:

Don't move out its your house. I made this mistake.

Stop Drinking until its over. 

Do not yell at her or  touch her. She could try to get an EPO which if you lose in court gets you a  DVO.  You don't want to take the risk if she wants to be heard infront of the judge

 Lawyer up and don't be afraid  to fire your lawyer mid stream

Know that you are not your lawyer's priority they are balancing their practice as well; just find the best one you can that is smart.

Get a Tempory Motion (or whatever they call it in Florida) immediatly for:

  • Custudy - NEVER grant her sole custudy, get joint legal & physical
  • Visitiation schedule and time sharing -- I travel extensivley for work I did not get one and the STBX fights me every time I want to take the kids on a trip/have them overnight.  I know your lifestyle; for visitation/ timesharing get it written in that you will decide on a schedule by a certian day for the next month.
  • Child support
  • A staus quo agreement -- meaning no depriciation of join assests and additional joint debt.
  • Seperate all joint accounts

Cancel all joint CCs

Get organized

Every email/text phone call goes infront of a judge

Get a phone recording app that records every call automatically

Fight paying her any maintenance -- research jobs she is capable of getting to demonstrate she can make more than minimum wage. 

Duck I could go on and on Im 1.5yrs into this because she is unreasonable.  Most important

Love your kids.

 

 

 

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That sucks. Im in the middle of a very bad one myself.
My  STBX just tried to sell our house without me knowing (im TDY right now).  She has filed a motion to sell it and sent it to my lawyer. I now have to go to court to stop her (Ill win just another 1G down the drain).  She is all over the place. 
Here is what you need to do:
Don't move out its your house. I made this mistake.
Stop Drinking until its over. 
Do not yell at her or  touch her. She could try to get an EPO which if you lose in court gets you a  DVO.  You don't want to take the risk if she wants to be heard infront of the judge
 Lawyer up and don't be afraid  to fire your lawyer mid stream
Know that you are not your lawyer's priority they are balancing their practice as well; just find the best one you can that is smart.
Get a Tempory Motion (or whatever they call it in Florida) immediatly for:
  • Custudy - NEVER grant her sole custudy, get joint legal & physical
  • Visitiation schedule and time sharing -- I travel extensivley for work I did not get one and the STBX fights me every time I want to take the kids on a trip/have them overnight.  I know your lifestyle; for visitation/ timesharing get it written in that you will decide on a schedule by a certian day for the next month.
  • Child support
  • A staus quo agreement -- meaning no depriciation of join assests and additional joint debt.
  • Seperate all joint accounts
Cancel all joint CCs
Get organized
Every email/text phone call goes infront of a judge
Get a phone recording app that records every call automatically
Fight paying her any maintenance -- research jobs she is capable of getting to demonstrate she can make more than minimum wage. 
Duck I could go on and on Im 1.5yrs into this because she is unreasonable.  Most important
Love your kids.
 
 
 

Solid advice brother. Meeting a lawyer tomorrow. I appreciate everyone on here.


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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Duck said:

 

Gents, found out my wife had been having two affairs over the past 5 months. One while I was deployed. I got video/picture evidence of the affair through legal means. Tried to get her to work it out through marriage counseling but she just served me papers this week. We have 3 kids. I am currently an ANG dude part timer and start at a major airline here in April. Got any advice? Currently living in Florida. Mostly worried about her going after a huge chunk of my measly first year pay and my VA Disability. Fighting for 50/50 with the kids even though she is a terrible mother, but now the kids are just pawns. Thanks bros.

 

She can’t touch your va disability I’m told. 

In Florida, it’s not worth fighting over assets as they will just be split 50/50. 

Tell your airline .... it may not ever be an issue.  But if you do have issues in training they can help. 

Edited by HossHarris

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Sorry to hear it. All very good advice on this thread. Never underestimate the power these b$tches have in the legal system and what they will do when they get desperate. Be one step ahead of her and be just be glad she will not be able to touch your airline retirement, which could literally be worth millions when you are 60. Also, don't rebound into a new relationship too soon, especially while you are separated. She can use that against you when it comes to child custody if you are living with a new fling. Most importantly, know that everything happens for a reason, which may be hard to understand now, but sometime down the line you'll look back on this as a good thing.

 

 

 

 

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46 minutes ago, Duck said:


Solid advice brother. Meeting a lawyer tomorrow. I appreciate everyone on here.


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No problem. 

One more; don't mention your retirement let her ask.  But get real smart on it. 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

My parents used me as a pawn for years after their divorce, it sucked. Do everything you can to isolate the kids from the situation and not use them. 

Include who is paying for what for the kids in the divorce agreement. My dad and I did not get along in my later teens and he was refusing to help with any of my college (he is very well off, and my mother was doing everything she could to stay afloat) my mom was smart enough 17 years earlier to include a clause in the paperwork that they had to match whatever the other provided for college tuition, she gave me every dime she could just to spite him. (See earlier comment about keeping the kids out of it) 

Two things I saw in my squadron. Watch the drinking as mentioned above. Nothing wrong with having a few every now and then, but it becomes a habit quick and bad things are said/done/called/texted after having a few to many. 

If you have guns/weapons store them in a buddies safe, my old neighbor had a kid at school mention she helped her dad clean a firearm, CPS was at their house two days later. If she’s batshit or manipulates the kids to say something you can get f d pretty quick. 

My single airline buddies claim to smash a lot. Good luck man. 

Edited by viper154

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Sorry to hear it, Duck. In our thoughts. 

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Posted (edited)

Delete your browsing history get a burner phone maybe.  If you have you Apple ID logged into multiple devices laying around the house, they are all connected and will show what you are doing online.  That’s where I would go to inspect what the wife is doing.  If you have a “family” set up under apple, you can use “find my iPhone” to track said person.  I wouldn’t put hidden cameras out of the realm of possibilities either.  These are some of the easy things I would do, it works in reverse though so watch out!

Shes a terrible person and she’ll get her due someday, but who are the dudes?  What fuckknobs!

Edited by matmacwc
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Florida is a two party consent state, which means you can't record someone without their consent, contrary to Federal Law. She can't legally record you and use it against you in a court of law and vice versa. There are exceptions, however, in extreme cases involving domestic violence and child/sexual abuse.

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Sorry to hear that!

 

Be a good father.  Don't let her sins damage your ability to be a good parent.

Act as the better man.  That means be civil ALWAYS, and also plan ahead to prevent her from taking advantage of your politeness.

...and yeah, get a good lawyer and follow their advice.

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All guns relocated to my parents house a couple weeks ago when I first found out about the affair. Great advice again guys. Thanks and keep it coming.


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3 hours ago, LJDRVR said:

Sorry to hear that, Brother.

Wrap your brain around the concept that she will get half of everything you ever earned while you were together. If you're able to come out better, then it's all gravy.

Do everything you can to remain civil and professional with her. Never let your kids hear you say anything bad about her. Ever. Not once. As strange as this sounds, moving forward your relationship with her, and it's failure are none of their business. No matter how badly she may behave, she's their Mom. If you can sit down at the kitchen table with her and put it all on a legal pad, you'll save yourself a lot of angst and attorney fees. If you can "give in" to certain things she wants in order to facilitate a quick agreement in return for certain things you want, it's worth every penny. People will give you advice like:

"Roll in on that cunt and fight her tooth and nail!"

Ask those people to compare what they think they "won" in court financially to what it cost to litigate it. It isn't worth it.

Moving forward, your relationship with her is going to be jointly parenting your kids. That relationship will be healthier for the kids if the two of you can agree to act like adults ad settle as amicably and quickly as possible.

Now;

You.

You're a pro. Compartmentalize like a MF and work your way through indoc and IOE. When you get a chance, take some time for yourself. Nonrev to Hawaii and put it all out of your mind for a few days. Exercise is your friend - the more the better. At some point in all of this process, you'll have come far enough and gotten past the anger enough to look at what happened a little more objectively. When that happens, the single most important thing you can do is forgive her and yourself for what happened. Let it fucking go.

You're also about to re-learn who your real friends are. Lean on those folks. Bigtime.

Don't medicate with booze or food.

That's it. The day you have to tell your children is the worst day of your life. Everyday after that will be just a little bit better.

Good luck, chum. Those of us who've been through this are rooting for you. Hell, you can at least call yourself a real airline pilot now!

BTDT and couldn’t have said it any better.

LASER FOCUS!  The divorce is just business at this point.

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Best advice I got to keep sane was from my uncle. He went through a nasty divorce. He was always there for his kids.

He would tell me "it's not one day longer it's one day closer." 

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