A very crusty old fighter pilot recently sent me an email in which he espoused the use of several of the "eight great lies".

The five were:

1) "I'll respect you in the morning"

2) "I'll only put the head in"

3) "I promise I won't come in your mouth"

4) "Parts plus two hours"

5) "I'm not the regular crew chief"

So, who can say what the missing three are? And do you have any of your own to contribute?

I had heard "the cheque's in the post" was one, but I can't be sure...

Ideas?

"I was just about to call you..."

"The crew bus is on it's way", told by base command post.

"I'm listening."

"I respect you as a woman."

"Sure, I will courtesy tap."

I was always told the two biggest lies in the Air Force occur when the inspection team show up and says "We're here to help you" and the Wing Commander responds with "We're glad to have you"

How about AFPC - "Take this assignment, and we will give you a great follow-on."

"Closed for 'training'" (whatever shop you prefer).

2) "I'll only put the head in"

3) "I promise I won't come in your mouth"

Not sure about the missing three, but those two, plus "This'll only hurt for a little while" are from David Allan Coe's "Three Biggest Lies in the World"

Not sure about the missing three, but those two, plus "This'll only hurt for a little while" are from David Allan Coe's "Three Biggest Lies in the World"

Ahhh, a fellow DAC fan. You have great taste in redneck country music!

Told to millions of G.I.'s through the years...... "You sign up and complete 20 years in the US military and you'll have FREE Medical and Dental care for the rest of your life"

"I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you"

"You're the only crew available"

"The crew bus is on it's way", told by base command post.

You got that right!

"I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you"

And the required lie response: "glad to see you"

"Closed for 'training'" (whatever shop you prefer).

The training part may be the lie, but the closed part isnt

"We don't have a good ETIC, but we'll call you when it's ready."

Or, any ETIC given. The rule of thumb around here is double it and add 20 minutes, and you're in the same ballpark as reality.

As seen on many doors at the MPF- We apologize for the inconvenience, but all office personnel will be attending PT from 1100-1300 Mon, Wed, and Fri.

"I've never busted minimums"..."I've got 2500 hours TT and 1000 of actual IMC"

-summers

"You're the only crew available"

I got in a lot of trouble with that one.

Thinking back on it, telling the XO, "I guess you'll just have to get your magic hat and pull another gunner out of it" wasn't my smartest career move.

- Anything the AF generates that contains the phrase "in order to serve you better".

Edited January 2, 200916 yr by JarheadBoom

"The crew bus is on it's way", told by base command post.

HA! This is my biggest pet peeve in the Air Force. While waiting for the crew bus (and waiting, and waiting) at ETAR and seeing the pax buses lined up nicely doing nothing I can see how people get so mad at the picture of the school buses in the flooded parking lot during Katrina.

"The crew bus is on it's way", told by base command post.

If they'd put the squadrons back on the flight line, where they belong, we wouldn't need crew busses. (But of course that's pointless unless they can come up with a way to park the airplanes adjacent to their respective squadrons-- that would be complicated.)

I got in a lot of trouble with that one.

Thinking back on it, telling the XO, "I guess you'll just have to get your magic hat and pull another gunner out of it" wasn't my smartest career move.

My wife's grandfather said something to that effect when he wasn't comfortable with the situation. The aircraft crashed and killed everyone on board. 'Not the smartest career move' saved his ass.

"I'm a fighter pilot."

"I'm a fighter pilot."

Or "I'm a fighter pilot. I'd rather talk about something else now."

"You ok to drive?"

"yeah"