Marriage/wedding - Best time to Marry?
Posted 10 March 2005 - 09:28 AM
Posted 10 March 2005 - 09:38 AM
We have a couple guys in our class that are just going home for the weekend and coming back to UPT immediately. It's unfortunate, but they want to get you through as quickly as possible...otherwise UPT would be longer than just 1 year (and who wants that??).
Posted 10 March 2005 - 09:45 AM
Posted 10 March 2005 - 10:25 AM
More Christmas wedding info here.
Posted 10 March 2005 - 10:42 AM
He won't be allowed to be in married housing until you two are actually married. And once you are married, you can go live in base housing or get a place off-base...it's up to you. I'm not sure however, how soon he is allowed to get on the housing waitlist PRIOR to being married. I'll try to find out and post later.
Posted 10 March 2005 - 10:44 AM
My suggestion, for what its worth, is try to get off base housing. You can work that before your boy gets to UPT and then if he can live off base, you are for sure going to live with him when you come here. If they dont allow him, then you can work the living situation onbase. If you are headed to Laughlin, and need anymore advice/help, let me know.
Posted 10 March 2005 - 10:47 AM
Posted 10 March 2005 - 10:48 AM
Actually, we just celebrated the tenth anniversary of our "secret" wedding (we later told our family), and I tracked down the chaplain--who retired about two years after later--to let him know how things were going.
Posted 04 April 2004 - 12:47 AM
I would really appreciate any insight you might have on the subject. Thanks a lot for you time.
Posted 04 April 2004 - 02:16 AM
OK, here we go. First and foremost, congrats. On to business at hand. In my class we had a few newly wed couples. I mean newly wed as in graduated from OTS, got married, went to UPT. Another graduated from ROTC, got married, went to UPT. Now that you know where I am coming from I will say this: if your wife is going to be a stay at home wife, its going to be rough on her at times. Namely, until you are off formal release in Phase II and Phase III. It can get LONELY for them to say the least because you are going to be busy as hell. She can expect to see you about 3-4 hrs a day, in between all your flying and studying, and on weekends and thats about it. The good part is that chances are there will be other wives in similar situations married to guys in your class... so the support of a 'family' will be there.
That being said, if shes going to have a job, things could be much better on her and you. Regardless, she is surely going to be in for a shock because you are going to be paying more attension to a 45 year old airplane than you will her. For newly weds, this can pose a difficult situation.
Dont count on living on base unless you are already married if you plan to go to UPT together. If you arent married, you'll be in the Q's at most bases by yourself. There are always exceptions to this rule, but in general, I think thats what youll find.
Now for my REAL reason for the reply. If you are thinking about getting married, more power to you. My one message to you is to NOT GET MARRIED DURING UPT. A stud in my class (2 actually) did this. One for real and one only on paper. Long story there, not the point. The point I am trying to make can only be summed up by saying that once this dude got married, his flying skills, General Knowledge, concentration and SA all went VFR direct to the shitter. He was spending all his time with his new wife and forgot about UPT. It showed. But currently he's loving life at Warner-Robins flying E-8s... Get me?
Im all for getting married. I am actually set to tie the knot here in about 2 months (and to another AF type... and we arent going to be stationed together :mad: ), just dont do it in the middle of UPT or right before. You need to be focused on FLYING and thats it. No offense to your lady (or mine for that matter), but everything else goes on the back burner for a year and she needs to understand, respect and support you and your decisions... which if you are talking marriage, I am sure she will. Trust me, if you can make it through a year of UPT together, you've got something special!
[ 04. April 2004, 01:21: Message edited by: ChuckFlys17s ]
Posted 04 April 2004 - 03:28 PM
I got married right after UPT and it was wonderful because it was very low stress. Also, we had plenty of time for a honeymoon. It's nice to have someone to help you study, but in my opinion, use the time you have in UPT as your last bachelor time and ENJOY it! LOL
Posted 04 April 2004 - 03:56 PM
When my husband and I first got married, I was insecure and needy. If I had done that to him during UPT it probably would have ended our marriage and/or our lives. (his, not mine!!) We were married for just over 5 years when he started at UPT. I am not the person I was when I married my husband. I am more confident and self sufficiant. You really need to be that kind of person to be a wife during UPT.
If you can handle the long distance and put off marriage for another year, I would recommend it highly. There was someone in our class that got married less than 3 weeks before UPT started (as ChuckFlys17s said). I can't imagine how hard that was for both of them. The first year of marriage is the hardest year (esp. when you have to move to a new state to do it) and UPT is the toughest year of your life. Can the two of you handle doing both of those things at the same time?
Another word of advice on getting married in the middle of UPT is this. As Chuck mentioned above, someone from our class got married in the middle to T-1s. He was given 2 days of leave and that included driving to and from Del Rio and Colorado. Also, 4 of his 5 groomsmen were in UPT. And with less than 72 hours notice, all three groomsmen that were in T-38s (one at XL and two in CB) had their leave turned down. That's about the quickest way to kill a bride, tell her that you lost all of your groomsmen.
Either way you decide, remember, UPT is about you. Make sure you do everything you can to make this wedding be about her. She'll thank you in the long run.
[ 04. April 2004, 15:57: Message edited by: IAGuardWife ]
Posted 30 May 2005 - 11:59 PM
Posted 31 May 2005 - 12:27 AM
Posted 31 May 2005 - 07:00 AM
Posted 10 June 2007 - 07:22 PM
Posted 10 June 2007 - 09:26 PM
Other things before that will most likely be casual somewhere, ASBC, and IFS out in CO. Now the meat of the question is.
Are you ROTC/USAFA/OTS?
ASBC: That will happen, if you're married, she can live in Billeting with you.. just a girlfriend, then she'll have to visit
Casual: Again, if you are married, she can help pass the time while you wait on your thumbs to start a casual job or while you are working at your casual job
waiting for UPT to start, and you can live on base together, if you aren't married, you might get confined to the dorms...
IFS: She can't go with you. My DH has to go to IFS.. gimmie a few minutes, and I'll post the info about IFS for you... IFS, she should think of it was a TDY/Deployment "practice test".-- Again, you, and some of the other wives on here need to understand that My DH is a 9yr prior service in the AF, therefore, I remember when he was gone 3wks, home 12hrs, gone 3more wks. Yes, it sucked(I'm sure it was worse for other wives then what I had.. ). and at that time, no I didn't take it as a vacation, but as a learning tool. She needs to learn, sooner or later, how to deal with TDY's/Deployments, because if she doesn't deal with them... then you can fill in the blank.
I just asked my DH, if he could get married before or after UPT, what would it be.. He said before.. it helps to have a "partner".-- No, my DH isn't the type to tell me something so he doesn't get in trouble either...
You need to get married when you both are ready for it, I don't think there's ever a right time to get married, if you both aren't mentaly and emotionaly prepared for it.
Edited by Kayla, 10 June 2007 - 09:28 PM.
Posted 11 June 2007 - 11:50 AM
My husband and I got married while he was on casual a month or two before he started UPT. We were living together before we got married though so I was with him during IFT/IFS. He had originally planned on waiting until after UPT to get married, until I pointed out that I was not going to move all over the place with him, without being able to get on base without him, having to move all my own junk, without health insurance etc. It's definitely an adjustment for most wives, especially newlyweds, to realize that they can't be the center of their husband's attention a lot of the time, but you and she will get through it. UPT won't be easy for either of you, but us wives find things to keep us busy. As long as she's not sitting at home waiting for you to come home every day, and goes and finds things to do and keep her busy, it's not that bad. I would think that the support she could give you through UPT would help you a lot more than her being there would hurt you.
Good luck in your decision.
Posted 11 June 2007 - 11:22 PM
Edited by swiney, 11 June 2007 - 11:24 PM.
Posted 12 June 2007 - 02:08 PM
That being said, each situation is different and I think you should do what is best for you. I've heard that being a spouse during UPT is very hard, especially on newlyweds. Sometimes wives don't understand why they don't get to spend more time with their husbands. It was best for both us to wait. Good luck!
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