Airshow Conversations

[OverTQ]

"Did you fly this in"

[Guest CmbtWmbt]

Anyone going to the Macdill show this week?

[ol-IEWO]

During an Open House at a now closed base in the mid-West, I was a 1st Lt. standing in front of a B-52:

Elderly gentleman: Big airplane, son; how long is it?

Me: About 160 feet, sir.

Him: Yep, that's big, son. How wide is it?

Me: The wingspan is 185 feet, sir.

Him: How much does it weigh?

Me: About a half a million pounds fully loaded, sir.

Him: How much grain can she haul?

Me: Depends on the type of grain and how it needs to be delivered.

[Guest SpunkDagger]

I was checking out and f-15 static one time while a local was talking about how sweet the raptor was to the eagle driver. He said something along the lines of "didn't one dem der f-22's take on the AF's entire fleet of f-15's and win. I glanced over chuckling, the pilot seen me, completely ignored the guy, came over to me and was like "ask me a question NOW."

Edited March 23, 2009 by SpunkDagger

[Guest knights]

Anyone going to the Macdill show this week?

Yea I'll be there on Saturday, asking hopefully not stupid questions like these.

[163 FS]

Not quite at an airshow, but along those lines...

We were flying some pax around the desert, and we let an army dude sit un in the LACM seat for some of the flight. He gets on headset and proceeds to tell us how his "grandpa flew C-17s a while back" and how he remembers seeing them when he was a kid. We all just looked at eachother trying not to laugh, and replied "Cool, man."

YC-17, maybe???

I'm thinking he meant B-17. It is really not that bad of a mistake. C-17/B-17 = Big plane with four engines. He probably saw one at an airshow when he was a kid with Gramps and that is all he remembers.

Edited March 24, 2009 by Tweet FAIP

[sputnik]

we tell her that the autopilot is voice-controlled. We convinced her to shout into the mic of the CVR saying "turn right" and "roll out" all the while steering with our knees.

We never told her the truth and she must have talked to her husband about it because later her husband came up later laughing at the great joke we played on his wife.

Yuk on, but I can recall slamming countless Tweet studs with the same thing. Airplane trimmed up, hands in air, we'd shift gravity left (lean), plane would roll left, shift gravity.... sound familiar? Tweet was better set up, could do it with your feet vs knees. I can recall zero studs figuring it out, and now, years later,

That said, I'd forgot all about it, something for my next ocean crossing.

Far as kids hitting buttons go, I always let them go all out. I figure it makes the following preflight more interesting. Kids I like, the adults I find annoying. First, I fly the damn things, I don't build them. Ask the FCC what the xxxx xxx xx does, all I care is that it works when I need it and is not obviously broken during my preflight.

My favorite has always been the photo geeks. Look, we let you take the camera on the jet, no one cares. But they think you do, so they sit there and surreptitiously sneak photo after photo. Dude, pick up the damn camera and aim, you're not getting over, we don't care!

Edited March 24, 2009 by sputnik

[Duck]

Just remember when you don't know the answer... make it up!

[disgruntledemployee]

Chick: What's that? (pointing to some button or knob or control)

Me: A dickfer.

Chick: I've never heard of that. What's a dickfer?

Me: (Snickering like a 9 year old, really wanting to say something that would get me slapped, but chickening out) To pee with.

Now that I'm older and braver, I can't wait to try that one again. Of course, know your audience.

Out.

edit: spellin

Edited March 25, 2009 by disgruntledemployee

[Guest Cap-10]

At the Pttsburgh airshow:

Guy who smiled like a jack-o-lantern: "How fast does she go?"

Me: " 2.5 x the speed of smell"

Guy: "Cool, that's fast!"

After the first day of answering the same questions over, and over, and over, and over, I decided that, if someone actually asked a question, I would answer it. But if it was phrased in the form of "That is the __________, right?" then my answer was always "Yes it is"

Man pointing to the LANTIRN pods: "Those are torpedo's, right?"

Me: "Yes they are"

Man pointing to travel pods (with the door open): "Those are fuel tanks right?"

Me: "Yes they are"

Man: But how does the fuel stay in with those doors on the side?"

Me: "They have a really good seal"

Man: "That makes sense"

Man talking to 8yr old Billy: 'This is the F-14 Tomcat, right?"

Me: "Yes it is"

Works like a champ!

Cheers,

Cap-10

[Spoo]

True story - talking to a hot blonde idiot in Omaha:

Blonde: What kind of Helicopter is that?

Spoo: That's a C-130 Maam.

Blonde: Cool.

Spoo: Would you like a tour?

Blonde: I'd LOVE a ride...

I shit you not. Wasn't even my airplane. That was the best airshow ever.

----------------------------

Question from an airshow freak at Beale Airshow:

A Deuce had just done a fly-by and freak points at U-2 on static...

Freak: Did y'all fly that thing in here?

Spoo: No, we take it apart and truck it to airshows all over the country. It's part of the AF Heritage Display.

Freak: I knew it!

Spoo (thinking): Wow...I need another beer.

Did I mention we were AT BEALE?

Edited March 25, 2009 by Spoo

[Guest gonzo]

I'm thinking he meant B-17. It is really not that bad of a mistake. C-17/B-17 = Big plane with four engines. He probably saw one at an airshow when he was a kid with Gramps and that is all he remembers.

Thanks, Buzz Killington.

[Butters]

True story - talking to a hot blonde idiot in Omaha:

Blonde: What kind of Helicopter is that?

Spoo: That's a C-130 Maam.

Blonde: Cool.

Spoo: Would you like a tour?

Blonde: I'd LOVE a ride...

Well, did you give her a ride?

Oh, and why do you have a picture of the SS Edmund Fizgerald as you avatar?

[jjfly]

Anyone going to the Macdill show this week?

Yea I'll be there on Saturday, asking hopefully not stupid questions like these.

i'll be there too, but just as a lowly spectator... maybe in a few years, I'll come back and revive this thread with something good...

[Danger41]

Oh, and why do you have a picture of the SS Edmund Fizgerald as you avatar?

Because the winds of November came early (sts).

[Baseops.Net]

i'll be there too, but just as a lowly spectator... maybe in a few years, I'll come back and revive this thread with something good...

I'll be at MacDill as well. Hope to hand out copious amount of Baseops.Net neck lanyards to all supporters out there.

Also anticipating my kids shoving tons of FOD into unsuspecting throttle quadrants of static display aircraft!

[outbreak]

I went to visit a friend at Scott while I was at the schoolhouse in Little Rock, and it happened to be the weekend of the airshow. We went over late on Sunday and end up at the C-130H3 from the Rock. I have no freakin clue about anything on the H3, so I'm lookin at the flight deck and talking to the Eng when a woman and 3 little kids climb up to the flight deck. She looks at the Eng and says "This airplane looks kinda beat up. how old is it?"

Eng: "Ma'am this airplane was built in 1991."

Woman:"Wow, that's really old!"

Eng: "Its actually one of the newest in the fleet."

Me: "I flew one last week that was built in 1964."

She had this total shock look on her face and got off that dangerous antique as fast as she could.

[HiFlyer]

Not exactly an airshow, but an incentive flight story. Two good friends of mine were HC-130 guys back in the 70s (AC and copilot) They were hauling a bunch of zoomies on a ride out over the Atlantic, with three or four up in the cockpit. After a while the AC very ceremoniously hands his dark glasses to the Co, "you have the glasses". A ten minutes later the process is repeated the other way. Pretty soon one of the cadet bites and asks what they're doing. Well, says the AC, "Its kinda classified, but these are special glasses coated to be able to detect clear air turbulence during the day." The cadets are curious but don't say anything for a moment. About that time, the AC says, "Look out, here comes some CAT", and sure enough, a few seconds later the Herc bounces a little. A couple of minutes later the scene is repeated. By now the cadets are really excited and amazed by this classified technology. They wander back to the cargo compartment suitably impressed, while my friends are laughing at the dumb zoomies. They explain to me that they were on the intercom with the Load in the back, and when they announced the upcoming CAT, he would take a broom and bang on the control cables that run down the top of the cargo deck, producing the "CAT".

Epilog: We're telling this story a few years later and an old CMSgt looks at us and says, "Let me get this right...you're 500 miles over the Atlantic at low altitude and you have the Load hitting the cables that work your control surfaces hard enough to bounce a C-130 in flight, and you're calling the Cadets dumb???"

Edited March 27, 2009 by HiFlyer

[Chuck Sargent]

Guest: Why do you have windows in the cockpits?

Me: So the colonel can keep an eye on us when we're working.

Guest: When you come in for a landing, how low do you go?

Me: All the way to the ground.

After giving a tour to some kids, one asked about the devices below the control panel. "Those are the pedals."

How long can you guys fly? "About 12 hours."

This little girl looks at her mom and says, "Boy they must get tired after peddling for 12 hours."

[BQZip01]

Not exactly an airshow, but an incentive flight story. Two good friends of mine were HC-130 guys back in the 70s (AC and copilot) They were hauling a bunch of zoomies on a ride out over the Atlantic, with three or four up in the cockpit. After a while the AC very ceremoniously hands his dark glasses to the Co, "you have the glasses". A ten minutes later the process is repeated the other way. Pretty soon one of the cadet bites and asks what they're doing. Well, says the AC, "Its kinda classified, but these are special glasses coated to be able to detect clear air turbulence during the day." The cadets are curious but don't say anything for a moment. About that time, the AC says, "Look out, here comes some CAT", and sure enough, a few seconds later the Herc bounces a little. A couple of minutes later the scene is repeated. By now the cadets are really excited and amazed by this classified technology. They wander back to the cargo compartment suitably impressed, while my friends are laughing at the dumb zoomies. They explain to me that they were on the intercom with the Load in the back, and when they announced the upcoming CAT, he would take a broom and bang on the control cables that run down the top of the cargo deck, producing the "CAT".

Epilog: We're telling this story a few years later and an old CMSgt looks at us and says, "Let me get this right...you're 500 miles over the Atlantic at low altitude and you have the Load hitting the cables that work your control surfaces hard enough to bounce a C-130 in flight, and you're calling the Cadets dumb???"

Siding with the Chief on this one...

[Infamous]

Not exactly an airshow, but an incentive flight story. Two good friends of mine were HC-130 guys back in the 70s (AC and copilot) They were hauling a bunch of zoomies on a ride out over the Atlantic, with three or four up in the cockpit. After a while the AC very ceremoniously hands his dark glasses to the Co, "you have the glasses". A ten minutes later the process is repeated the other way. Pretty soon one of the cadet bites and asks what they're doing. Well, says the AC, "Its kinda classified, but these are special glasses coated to be able to detect clear air turbulence during the day." The cadets are curious but don't say anything for a moment. About that time, the AC says, "Look out, here comes some CAT", and sure enough, a few seconds later the Herc bounces a little. A couple of minutes later the scene is repeated. By now the cadets are really excited and amazed by this classified technology. They wander back to the cargo compartment suitably impressed, while my friends are laughing at the dumb zoomies. They explain to me that they were on the intercom with the Load in the back, and when they announced the upcoming CAT, he would take a broom and bang on the control cables that run down the top of the cargo deck, producing the "CAT".

Epilog: We're telling this story a few years later and an old CMSgt looks at us and says, "Let me get this right...you're 500 miles over the Atlantic at low altitude and you have the Load hitting the cables that work your control surfaces hard enough to bounce a C-130 in flight, and you're calling the Cadets dumb???"

My dad said that he had a friend that did the same thing but in a Tweet. Said that they'd take the cadets up on incentive rides and he'd say "hold on tight, I see some rough air." and would open the speed brake. (apparently it's under your thumb and the cadet wouldn't notice the movement) He'd do it multiple times through a flight and whenever they'd land the cadet would run off and tell his buddies how the AF teaches the pilots so well that they can see turbulence. hahaha

Also he said that he heard that the C-130 guys would screw with the Army guys making their first parachute jumps. Someone would come down the stairs from the flight deck w/ 2 strings trailing behind him and would tell the soldier to hold onto the strings while he goes to the bathroom. Before he handed them off he'd explain that these are what's keeping the plane level until he gets back in the cockpit and would give a short demonstration. He'd pull the left string and the plane would slowly bank left and then pull the right one to level the plane off. The poor guy would sit there terrified holding the strings thinking that one slip up could crash the airplane lol

[Guest GoldDriller]

A-10 static...

"These things saved my ass in 'Nam. Too bad they retired 'em all."

"You fly them green army jets out at the airbase? Them things haul ass, don't they?"

"Is that there the gun?" (while standing at the front of the jet, 6.9 inches from the GAU-8, pointing at the pitot tube)

Pretty sure I've got the right Rainman...

Rainman's brief for airshow deconfliction plan:

Airboss: So what are the F-16's going to do for deconfliction?

Rainman: I think we'll just use the "Big Sky" theory today...

Airboss: Uh-huh...you might want to consider altitude blocks...just a thought.

Rainman: OK...we'll try it your way.

[Toasty]

Also he said that he heard that the C-130 guys would screw with the Army guys making their first parachute jumps. Someone would come down the stairs from the flight deck w/ 2 strings trailing behind him and would tell the soldier to hold onto the strings while he goes to the bathroom. Before he handed them off he'd explain that these are what's keeping the plane level until he gets back in the cockpit and would give a short demonstration. He'd pull the left string and the plane would slowly bank left and then pull the right one to level the plane off. The poor guy would sit there terrified holding the strings thinking that one slip up could crash the airplane lol

This is true- the strings would be lightly attached to the pilot's arms, and whichever arm felt a tug, he would turn in that direction.