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Greatest Pukes


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So, I get alerted last night to go refuel a C-5. On my way in, I stop by a local sub shop and pick myself up a chicken cheesesteak sub. I order it up, go and use the bathroom, and when I come out, it's done. "Hmmm, that was fast" I think to myself.

I start to get hungry during mission planning, so I eat the sub just prior to the brief. We step, preflight, no big deal, except I have a funny feeling something's not right. Just drink some Coke, it's only a 2 hour mission, you'll be fine, right?

Takeoff, climbout, level off...on time. We check in with FRED and turn outbound to go get him. At about 60 DME on the A/A I can't take it. Pilot, you have the aircraft. Run to the back, lift up the lid of the crapper and there is a nice big wad of paper towels jammed in there. No time to move it. Wham. Up comes the sub.

Back to the front, just in time to make our turn in front of the C-5. Got about half the fuel offload done, then it's back to the back. Repeat about 6-9 times in the plane, then a couple more times on the way home, until about 0900 today. Sweet.

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Guest sickels101

I was on an out and back from Vance to Navy Carswell in a T-38. At Carswell I decided to have lunch at Robin Hood Subs (bad decision). We got back in the jet and took off to shady weather to the North. Needless to say we have to do some manuevering around it, all the while my stomach is pissed off. I'm holding back puke on the approach back home (which I think should have been graded an E under the circumstances) and land right before they close the airfield for a thunderstorm. I park the jet get out and puke all over my G-suit, helmet bag, and the taxiway. The few crew chiefs that saw me started laughing but I had the last laugh when they got to clean it up. So, for the rest of UPT my locker got to smell of puke. Oh yeah, and my boots got their first shining in UPT to get the "residue" off.

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Guest flecth033

I met a friend at this bar to check out this band he was friends with. Before I leave I tell the wife I'll be good and won't drink much and I'll be coming home that night. When I get there and meet the band they tell the beer chick I'm with them which meant I got to drink for free. Well a big part of their performance is having people from the audience bring them Jaegar shots to either pick out a shirt, hat, or even thongs with the bands logo on them. I start out with two jack and cokes and then the jaegar shots begin. Literally at the end of each song there's jaegar shots lined up on the stage. The guys toast the crowd and throw the shots back. The beer chick brings me a shot each time the band takes one. My friend isnt' doing many shots because he's working the table selling the cds and giving out the shirts and stuff. After awhile I'm trashed and I sit there in amazement on how these guys can still sing not alone stand up and do a show. When they take breaks these dudes were like they haven't even had a drink. They come over and laugh and ask me if I'm hanging with them on the shots and I gave the thumbs up. They kept gigglin and slipping in the word perception every so often. After awhile I'm done, there was just no way I was drinking anymore. At the end of the night the drummer comes up and asks me if I wanted to check out the stage and all that stuff. I go up and behind the drums is a freakin bucket with jaegar in it with shot glasses next to it. The guy tells me "see It's about perception". These dudes were were good with foolin the crowd because I could swear they were taking their shots. I ended up calling the wife and giving her the I can't drive home I'm sleeping at my friends story.

No puking, just dizzines and all that stuff. Next day go to pick up the car and start the drive back home. My stomach starts to boil and while I'm sitting at a red light everything comes out, I was slow opening the door so I hit the dash, the inside of the door and the little door pocket thing. I stopped and cleaned out the car and but then while driving my stomach starts to bubble so I stop run into this gas station to the toilet sit down and this huge fart comes out. Get back in the car hit the highway and my stomach starts bubbling again, I think ok well incoming fart, push hard and immediately I feel a warm fluid spread throughout my pants, I freakin took a watery dump in my pants. I hit the next exit, found a building went behind it and threw my pants and stuff in a dumpster. I get to my place in my shirt and shoes and have to get in without my wife asking what the hell happened. I call her and tell her an old friend just passed me on the highway and for her to look in my room drawer for his cell number. She's in our room looking through the drawer telling me its not there while I run up to the house and sneak in while talking to my wife on the cell. I open the front door to my daughters watching TV. Like I've done it before they automatically look back at the TV without saying a word. I run into the back room and yell surprise to my wife acting like I was trying to scare her. She laughs and gives me the WTF are you doing look when I told her I smell like beer and smoke and had to take a shower.

Sounds bad enough, but I still have a friends story that makes me feel better. Back in high school at this party my friend is with this chick that is trashed. He keeps wanting to mess around but she says she is sick. Deciding he would get her in the mood by doing the number in between 68 and 70, he comes running out of the room into the bathroom with stuff all over his face. Yeah she ended up letting loose on his face.

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Guest KoolKat
I get to my place in my shirt and shoes and have to get in without my wife asking what the hell happened.
You should have worn socks...your friend, I dunno...maybe a hockey mask?

You didn't know about the spit into the half empty beer bottle trick? Never seen Coyote Ugly?

A band would never be able to play if they slammed shots of that shit. It's a good trick though to get the crowd totally bombed, makes the band sound so much better.

BENDY

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Guest prazors
Originally posted by flyguy:

...he comes running out of the room into the bathroom with stuff all over his face. Yeah she ended up letting loose on his face.

hey I think some guys are into that kinda thing...
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