UAVs. Those are easier to fly, are often even lower in the UPT class distribution than AWACS and KC-135s to McConnell, and fit the rest of your criteria.
As for qualifying my position, I've been a T-6 FAIP, MC-12 MC, Tanker pilot, flown a couple civilian puddle jumper planes, and some seat time in the C-17, A-10, and KC-10 simulators flying patterns. I've also had my three carnival rides in the U-2, which would have gone much better had I done the interview after 500 hours in the -135.
So far you've been wrong about Shell 77, obnoxious in your fervor and posting rate, and unwilling to clearly state your flying history, so until those conditions change, I'll go back to lurking.
BREAK BREAK
I posted in the promotions thread, but it's relevant here. Allegedly, all six school selects at Lakenheath had declined school. Since school is a similar commitment as taking the bonus, this is another bad sign for retention, with the notable difference that these six are ostensibly the top six dudes according to the AF. If the promise of an easier path to O-6 isn't enough to keep them, I doubt an extra 10K will change the tide.