Aviation jokes

[bomber1]

It takes a high school diploma to fix what a college degree ######ed up.

[Guest MizzouNav]

On the same note, I need a good quote for my senoir dining out slideshow, but i am at a loss of what to say. I am a 5th year, and wanted to throw something with that in, but i have horrible writers block! any inspiration or ideas would be helpful, you could be quoted.

[usaf36031]

[LT4Life]

It takes a doctrine to design it, a masters to build it, a bachelor's to fly it and a GED to fix it.

[usaf36031]

doctorate?

[Toro]

Is that the right wording for the joke or was there more to it?

Here you go.

Does anyone know where I can find a written copy of the joke and maybe an attribution?

There's two O's in Toro.

[Guest 3GAF]

Thanks! That's just what I was looking for.

[pawnman]

no, but i've got another one for you...

two navs walk into a bar and grab a table by themselves, and they look over and see all of these cocky ass pilots sitting there surrounded by the ladies having a great time. One of the navs says, "shit man, we need to become pilots!" The other one says "I KNOW, this sucks!"

So one of the two navs walks up to the bartender and says, "hey man, what would we need to do to become pilots?" and the bartender says, see that vending machine over there? It's easy , just go put in 90 cents and you'll get yourself a pair of pilot wings to wear."

So they walk up to the machine, One nav reaches into his flight suit and pulls out a dollar bill, the other starts digging in his pockets but only comes up with .80 cents. So he gets all sad. But the first Nav says, "hey man, don't sweat it, i'll get my wings and then give you my .10 cents change and you can get yours! Cool, says the other Nav.

So the first nav puts in his dollar, out pops his dime and a shiny new set of pilot wings, so he pins them on.

Nav number two looks at him eagerly and says, "Cool man! now let me get that dime so I can get mine!"

The first guy looks at him smugly and says, "pssh..fuck you nav!"

What's the difference between an F-16 and a cactus?

With a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

How do you know a fighter pilot just walked into the room?

He'll tell you.

How can you tell a date with a viper pilot is half over?

He says "Enough about the viper, let's talk about me".

[B*D*A]

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

No you didn't.

[Guest]

I hope you guys like satire.

The AFMC mission is to overpay contracts and needlessly employ thousands of civilians.

The AFGSC mission is for "pilots" to earn aviation medals without ever leaving the La-Z-Boy and to kill brown people.

The USAFE mission is to import wine to the US through TMO HHG and to send senior leaders to Edelweiss/Garmisch as often as possible.

The PACAF mission is to support the financial plight of juicy girls everywhere and to accuse the DPRK of unfounded rumors.

The ACC mission is to waste copious amounts of JP-8 by letting primadonna pilots fly really fast for theoretical conflicts that will never happen.

The AFSOC mission is to let deranged killers legally murder brown people.

The AETC mission is to demotivate young Airmen through endless SAPR briefings (all men are rapists, the briefer said so) and enforce crucial standards (sock color wins wars).

The AMC mission is to provide cheap airfare to Hawaii, Japan, Germany, and places in between while dumping cancerous chemtrails.

The AFRC mission is to give an alternative federal retirement to folks that hate the Air Force too much to be Active Duty but not so much that they'd give up the benefits.

The ANG mission is to create exemptions to standards, pretend to work, and then hide behind governor sovereignty when they fail to meet real standards.

The AFSPC mission is to give high-speed satellite connections to every Airmen so they can watch YouTube and to add the word "Cyber" to all possible phrases.

[FUSEPLUG]

The ANG mission is to create exemptions to standards, pretend to work, and then hide behind governor sovereignty when they fail to meet real standards.

As a new Guardsman, this one definitely made me laugh.

Solid list!