Jump to content

Ten reasons why you should deploy

Guest Boom

By Guest Boom
in General Discussion

 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest AirGuardian

Guest AirGuardian

Posted
Posted

What about the 36 reasons why you shouldn't deploy...?

Granted, most of us have our favorties besides trying to save that $3.50 a day...

At first I thought it was a joke, but YGTBSM...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Hydro130

Guest Hydro130

Posted
Posted

Shoot me.

Just when you thought the PA machine couldn't get any worse, they dream up gems like that.

And to help get ready once you "decide" that you "should" deploy, remember these imporant time-tested steps to prepare:

1. Sleep on a cot in the garage.

2. Replace the garage door with a curtain.

3. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife or girlfriend whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, "Sorry, wrong cot."

4. Renovate your bathroom. Hang a green plastic sheet down from the middle of your bathtub and move the showerhead down to chest level. Keep four inches of soapy cold water on the floor. Stop cleaning the toilet and pee everywhere but in the toilet itself. Leave two to three sheets of toilet paper. Or for best effect, remove it altogether. For a more realistic deployed bathroom experience, stop using your bathroom and use a neighbor's. Choose a neighbor who lives at least a quarter mile away.

5. When you take showers, wear flip-flops and keep the lights off.

6. Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and dump dirt on your head.

7. Put oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it on "HIGH" for that tactical generator smell.

8. Don't watch TV except for movies in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.

9. Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day for proper noise level.

10. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

11. Once a week, blow compressed air up through your chimney making sure the wind carries the soot across and on to your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he curses you.

12. Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.

13. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a saltine cracker.

14. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator. Then serve some kind of meat in an unidentifiable sauce poured over noodles. Do this for every meal.

15. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed and get to the shower as fast as you can. Simulate there is no hot water by running out into your yard and breaking out the garden hose.

16. Once a month, take every major appliance completely apart and put it back together again.

17. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for five or six hours before drinking.

18. Invite at least 185 people you don't really like because of their strange hygiene habits to come and visit for a couple of months. Exchange clothes with them.

19. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back doors so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time you pass through one of them.

21. Keep a roll of toilet paper on your night stand and bring it to the bathroom with you. And bring your gun and a flashlight.

22. Go to the bathroom when you just have to pass gas, "just in case." Everytime.

23. Announce to your family that they have mail, have them report to you as you stand outside your open garage door after supper and then say, "Sorry, it's for the other Smith."

24. Wash only 15 items of laundry per week. Roll up the semi-wet clean clothes in a ball. Place them in a cloth sack in the corner of the garage where the cat pees. After a week, unroll them and without ironing or removing the mildew, proudly wear them to professional meetings and family gatherings. Pretend you don't know what you look or smell like. Enthusiastically repeat the process for another week.

25. Go to the worst crime-infested place you can find, go heavily armed, wearing a flak jacket and a Kevlar helmet. Set up shop in a tent in a vacant lot. Announce to the residents that you are there to help them.

26. Eat a single M&M every Sunday and convince yourself it's for Malaria.

27. Demand each family member be limited to 10 minutes per week for a morale phone call. Enforce this with your teenage daughter.

28. Shoot a few bullet holes in the walls of your home for proper ambiance.

29. Sandbag the floor of your car to protect from mine blasts and fragmentation.

30. While traveling down roads in your car, stop at each overpass and culvert and inspect them for remotely detonated explosives before proceeding.

31. Fire off 50 cherry bombs simultaneously in your driveway at 3:00 a. m. When startled neighbors appear, tell them all is well, you are just registering mortars. Tell them plastic will make an acceptable substitute for their shattered windows.

32. Drink your milk and sodas warm.

33. Spread gravel throughout your house and yard.

34. Make your children clear their Super Soakers in a clearing barrel you placed outside the front door before they come in.

35. Make your family dig a survivability position with overhead cover in the backyard. Complain that the 4x4s are not 8 inches on center and make them rebuild it.

36. Continuously ask your spouse to allow you to go buy an M-Gator.

37. When your 5-year-old asks for a stick of gum, have him find the exact stick and flavor he wants on the Internet and print out the web page. Type up a Form 9 and staple the web page to the back. Submit the paperwork to your spouse for processing. After two weeks, give your son the gum.

38. Announce to your family that the dog is a vector for disease and shoot it. Throw the dog in a burn pit you dug in your neighbor's back yard.

39. Wait for the coldest/ hottest day of the year and announce to your family that there will be no heat/air conditioning that day so you can perform much needed maintenance on the heater/ air conditioner. Tell them you are doing this so they won't get cold/ hot.

40. Just when you think you're ready to resume a normal life, order yourself to repeat this process for another six months to simulate the next deployment you've been ordered to support.

Cheers, Hydro

Link to comment
Share on other sites
HerkDerka Gray Beard

HerkDerka

Posted
Posted

Let's break down this clown show article a little bit...

Some deployments even offer you the chance to work outside of your career field and perform a mission-critical job such as a postal clerk
That's it! Sign me up for the 365 to asscrackistan now!

If you’re a giver , deployments offer you the chance to give back
Chalk one up for bunker love.

180-day deployments that will give you short-tour credit. So, you can deploy and earn a short tour all in one step … and in half the time.
And screw someone else over.

you can do just that in your off time while deployed .
What is this "time off" you speak of?

Whether your workouts consist of your normal job duties
Plenty of that in the AF. WTFO, are the finance troops required to bench press their desks in between customers?

One of the reasons you probably joined the Air Force was to travel and see the world. Well, good news … deployments offer you just that chance. From Africa to Antarctica, the Middle East to the Far East , there are plenty of places to see and cultures to learn about while deployed.
And we'll include a free reflective belt if you can tell us which of those four areas we're sending you to!

Odds are that Airmen who deploy have more medals and ribbons than those who don’t. There are numerous awards you can qualify for once deployed.
So get in line for your GWOT-E, GWOT-S, and AFESR. If you showed up for work, the BSM line is forming over there.

What this means for you is that you won’t have to spend a dime and can actually save the money you’re earning.
And make up for that $720 dent AAFES put on your account for three sets of PT gear.

Not once was the word combat used.

HD

[ 10. January 2007, 17:36: Message edited by: HerkDerka ]

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Hydro130

Guest Hydro130

Posted
Posted

Before anyone starts to think I came up with that, I didn't. I'm not nearly that clever. I got that list in an email many years ago. Not sure who should get the credit for it - sounds like it originated from the Army. Man, some of the young pup USAFers these days will deploy and never get the pleasure of staying in a DITY tent city, that's kinda sad.

Anyhoo, I couldn't remember if I've seen it on the boards here before or not, but this seemed like a good post/time to dust it off again.

Cheers, Hydro

[ 10. January 2007, 21:51: Message edited by: Hydro130 ]

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest jaybird141

Guest jaybird141

Posted
Posted
What this means for you is that you won’t have to spend a dime and can actually save the money you’re earning. And make up for that $720 dent AAFES put on your account for three sets of PT gear.

Not once was the word combat used.

HD

PT gear? What is this PT gear that you are talking about? Our BX says that they might have some of this PT gear sometime early in 2015.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Slander Flight Lead

Slander

Posted
Posted

Don't worry though, they made sure to issue all the ROTC kids PT gear. But GMC aren't allowed to have it, they haven't "earned it" yet.

[ 11. January 2007, 06:38: Message edited by: FSUBadger ]

Link to comment
Share on other sites
zach braff Flight Lead

zach braff

Posted
Posted

I like #1 where they say a deployment can be "fun and educational..."

Last time I checked, I didn't really think of fighting a bloody war against an unconventional and unscrupolous enemy after they killed 3000 innocent Americans on our home soil as "fun and educational."

Maybe that's just me though. I'm sure the families and friends of Tech. Sgt. Timothy R. Weiner, Senior Airman Elizabeth A. Loncki, and Senior Airman Daniel B. Miller Jr. are just tickled about their "fun and educational" experience.

http://www.af.mil/news/story.asp?id=123037185

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing


×
×
  • Create New...