Military Posers

[Guest Bushmaster]

Originally posted by Wxpunk:

I've got a great one...

There's the entry gate security guard at the airfield that I work at (Louisville International) that swears he's a lot of things:

Navy Seal

HALO Master

Maintenance Super-Star

Super-Pilot

>C-130

>F-14

>P-3

>F-8

Mach 6.0 Club

Vietnam Hero

Anyway, the P-3 is my favorite. According to him, he was a crew chief for the P-3 Orion. One day, they were supposed to fly down to Pensacola from wherever but the aircrew didn't show up. Apparently they'd been drinking all night. So, becoming impatient, he jumped up into the cockpit, taxied, and took off. He flew the P-3 to Pensacola, landed, was detained, but instead of a court marshal he was given OW-1 and made a pilot! :D

This is one of those guys who always has a one-up on whoever they talk to. If you say you've flown a C-172, he owned a C-182. If you say you've gone on an incentive ride in an F-16 and flown at mach 1, he's flown "mach 6" in some experimental aircraft. If I were to engage him in the conversation of space travel, he'd say he went up in the Shuttle. :D

So, here's a little clip I recorded tonight on the phone with our friend. The recording is very low, so turn up your speakers/headphones.

Superman

NOTE: In the state of Kentucky, it is legal to record a phone conversation provided at least one person knows that it is being recorded.

(Besides, this is just for fun and no names are mentioned.)

----------------

Wxpunk

Hey bud, I just enhanced this clip would you want me to send it to you? I removed the hiss and turned up the volume level.

But it was funny man, I wish it was longer. What a loser!

[Guest comanche]

That audio clip is f*cking funny!!! I like the test fight part (test pilot). You should rip into this guy sometime, he probably doesn't even know where Edwards AFB is.

[Guest briscoe]

I have always been amused by posers... I used to work with a guy who told me he was a Vietnam Vet but the next sentence was about a stumble he had while participating in HS track that crushed his ankle and he was never able to run again. It’s sad that people must tell stories to make it appear they are something they are not. Even if they did do those things I wonder why they would talk about it. That is why I would never tell anyone about my Vietnam experiences while I was a Green Beret, nor say anything about the black ops I participated in during Grenade, Panama and Desert Storm. I think it un-professional to talk about the time I dropped into Vietnam in 1985 and single handedly rescued 300 POWs while working for the CIA. No one would believe it because the media was never told about these things. We who work for CIA, NSA and Delta Force are very particular about our activities and wish to remain anonymous. Besides, if I told you all that I would also have to tell you about the time the CIA made me work as a stand-in for President Bush when he landed on the Aircraft Carrier. All those things are secret and need to stay that way… so please don’t tell anyone.

[AFCS_Actuator]

/ HA / Good one!

[Guest Wxpunk]

Bush,

Hit me with that clip at wxpunk@gmail.com . Also, what did you use to enhance it? I called, recorded, and ripped it all within about 30 minutes last night. I really would've loved to been able to at least increase the volume.

BONUS!!!

I'll be calling the guy back tonight for an extra couple of clips. I want him to talk about the P-3 that he "stole." I'm also gonna try and get him to talk about the mach 6.0 episode.

Incidentally, I can't really bust on the guy. He works at the gate I drive through every day and that would be real uncomfortable. Besides, the guy's like sixty-something and needs something to hold on to. :D

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Wxpunk

[Guest Raccoon]

Wxpunk, please ask him what SEAL stands for lol

[Guest Bushmaster]

Hey Wx,

Go to www.goldwave.com and download that program.

http://www.goldwave.com/downloads/gwave510.exe

It requires registration to work right so at astalavista.box.sk you can search for a registration code.

Then record the voice clip as you like via the method you use right now.

Open up Goldwave and load up your sound file into it.

Let me know when you come to that point, there are sound enhancers. If you want to use Goldwave for recording, you can, remember to keep the recording volume a little high if you do and you need to specify a recording length.

Let me know if need help, I want to hear this dude, as a matter of fact, I will listen to it with a few more friends, I need you to ask him his experiences with the Apaches.

[Guest Wxpunk]

Bush,

My work server doesn't allow me to download from a crack/serials site. I'll just post the raw MP3's and let you guys crank up your volume!

Sorry there are so many. All but one are 1.00 MB and one minute long. One is 1.82 MB...still one minute long, but I had to encode it differently to get it to work.

Enjoy!

c4 FILES REMOVED TO CLAIM BACK FAMILY WEBSPACE

c5 V

c6 V

c7 V

c8 FILES REMOVED TO CLAIM BACK FAMILY WEBSPACE

--------------

Wxpunk

[ 08. June 2005, 15:54: Message edited by: Wxpunk ]

[Guest comanche]

How do you keep from laughing when he is talking? The old man has no clue.

[Guest Meltdown]

I would say he is depressed that he wasn't smart enough to do anything that mattered and is making up bull shit in hopes that others will recognize him and he won't feel as if he has wasted his life when lying on his death bed. This is especially likely since he is an older guy. In reality, you all should feel sadness since he is so pathetic and doesn't want to be.

[Guest KoolKat]

There goes the shockwave! :D

[Guest KoolKat]

Wxpunk!!! LOL!!! The last line is by far the best!!! "It's just stupidity on their part..."

I couldn't have done it. I would have had to laugh and call BS. Thanks, man!

[zab1000]

I lurk on these boards daily, and post rarely, if ever, but these files are GOLD. I am laughing my ass off

First of all, WxPunk, I love when you he tells you he flew F-14s and you say "SUH-WEET!" and he says "whut?"

I also enjoy how he tells you about his little escapade which he originally claims to have "stolen" a P-2V, which in the next story becomes a P-3. In which he sets power and autopilot by standing up and going to another panel. Both the power levers and AP are directly to the right of the left seat.

I've gotta add my own tale:

There I was drunk, dumb and happy at Dave and Buster's, working on my 7th Gin and Tonic, playing the Sega 747 "simulator", just burning credits and trying to fly the plane under the bridge. I notice some guy watching me to my right, and figure he wants to play. I'm also plastered and am crashing mre and more when the folowing converation occurs:

him: "you know, planes that big can't fly that low"

me: "really, why is that?"

him: "the air ISN'T DENSE ENOUGH close to the ground, it GETS THINNER AS YOU GET LOWER"

me: "Really, what about take-off and landing?"

him: "oh...thats why we have FLAPS"

me: "wow, you sure do know a lot about this stuff, are you a PILOT?"

him: "yup, US Navy."

me: "WOW. Like, fast movers?"

him: "nope, I fly heavies, P-3s" (P-3s are not heavy category aircraft)

me: "wow, really? what squadron?"

him: "VP-(whatever)."

me: "oh, wow, are you like a co-pilot or what?"

him" "nope, Plane Commander"

me: "really? in VP-(whatever)?"

him: "yup."

me: "funny, I've never seen you in MY WARDROOM. Or in any of the squadron spaces."

him: "uh..."

me: "yeah, jackass, I'm a Plane Commander in VP-(whatever). who are you?" as I show him my ID, me in a flightsuit with squadron insignia

him: "uh...oh shit...uh...Sir I was just messing around"

me: "who are you?"

him: "I'm a new aircrew guy, AW3 (jackass), oh shit, I'm sorry"

me: "yes you are, go get me a Bombay Gin and Tonic while I think about all of this"

him: ".......ok......"

I didn't bust him at work, although I was tempted to. I DID tell all the senior Aircrew about it and told them to harass him at all times. He later separated early due to other bufoonery. Big suprise.

[Guest TheBurt]

Wx

Man that was hilarious, yet also pretty sad. I think a lot of us have met guys like this. I have a small airplane and meet a lot of these same guys at the FBO's. Get him to talk about flying the F-14 or something.

[Flare]

Originally posted by Toro:

There was a guy in my squadron at Lakenheath whose twin brother was in our sister squadron right down the street. The two of them were actually at ONW at the same time and got their picture and a short blurb in the af.mil sight.

Stitch was one of them, right?

[Guest HercengTN]

Love your work wxpunk! The part about going to the back panel to set takeoff power was pretty good. My great grandfather did that as well but that was WW II in a bomber and he had help from the pilots to make the houses get bigger when they pushed on the yoke and smaller when they pulled back. By the way if the brac goes as planned you'll have some nice birds from nashville commin your way! Hope ya'll take good care of them.

PEACE, IM OUT!

[Toro]

Originally posted by ENJJPT IP:

Stitch was one of them, right?

Yup, that was him.

WxPunk, friggin' hilarious. You have way more patience and better bearing than I do - no way I could have done that without busting out laughing.

[Guest Bushmaster]

Originally posted by Wxpunk:

Bush,

My work server doesn't allow me to download from a crack/serials site. I'll just post the raw MP3's and let you guys crank up your volume!

You want me to email you?

[Guest rurban12]

Zab, was this at NAS Jax? I'm in Jacksonville myself (05ot05 hopeful) and have noticed a lot of the junior enlisted navy folks I come across claim to have been to SERE school. Be they HVAC techs, cooks, whatever, they've been to SERE. Always good for a chuckle.

[JS]

Originally posted by Tomcatbubba:

JS,

I agree with all you stated. That being said, Marines did in fact fly the F-14. They were used as instructor pilots to transition the Iranian Air Force to the F-14A. If you do a search on the web you can still find the shoulder patches they used to wear. And yes, the F-14A is/was underpowered.

Well, I learn something new everyday. I figured anything was possible in the wierd history of military aviation, I just could not verify that Marines flew the F-14.

Anyway, I still think the guy was full of crap. You think that he would have brought up the Iranian instructor thing to me after I questioned whether or not the Marines ever flew the F-14. Instead, he just had a scared look in his eyes like he just realized that he was talking to someone with a little military aviation knowledge and he was about to get called out.

[zab1000]

Originally posted by rurban12:

Zab, was this at NAS Jax? I'm in Jacksonville myself (05ot05 hopeful) and have noticed a lot of the junior enlisted navy folks I come across claim to have been to SERE school. Be they HVAC techs, cooks, whatever, they've been to SERE. Always good for a chuckle.

No, Hawaii. I have no idea what an HVAC tech is, but you will find a ton of SERE grads at NAS Jax, given the number of squadrons and the large number of Aircrew bubbas. If you suspect a guy is blowing smoke, throw a rock. You'll hit someone with wings who will be able to verify the story within about 30 seconds.

[Guest Wxpunk]

HVAC -> I'm guessing it stands for Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning. I'm not entirely sure about the acronym, but I know that's what it deals with.

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Wxpunk

[ellsworb]

When I thought I might have heard it all. . WX instroduces me to the ultimate douche bag.

[zrooster99]

Yes, I believe you are correct about HVAC...we call it environmental systems on AF Aircraft or Electro Environmental technicians (combined two career fields which is populer these days in maintenance).

[AFCS_Actuator]

HAHA! My favorite part was when the old dude said that the ground controler got on the radio, "Don't let that plane leave! There aren't any pliots!" "So," the old man says, "I just jumped the chalks."

Comedy Gold.