Military Institutes New "Don't Tell, Let Me Guess" Policy

July 8, 200916 yr

WASHINGTON—Pentagon officials announced Tuesday a new policy toward homosexuals in the armed services, the so-called "Don't Tell, Let Me Guess" system, which gives Pentagon brass the opportunity to state their opinion on a soldier's sexual orientation, provided it's followed by the phrase "Am I right?" "These new guidelines allow homosexuals to serve in the armed forces, as long as they don't show any outward traits that would tip us off and ruin all the fun of guessing," said Adm. Michael Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who purports to have "excellent" gaydar. "When you make a game out of it, you're much more invested in the survival of your fellow serviceman—at least until you guess whether or not he or she enjoys sex with members of the same gender." Pentagon officials said soldiers who are correctly guessed to be homosexual will face immediate dishonorable discharge, unless they can prove they have killed at least 10 enemy combatants in a particularly brutal fashion.

July 8, 200916 yr

Another good one from the Onion:

"McDonnell-Douglas Unveils New 'Gay-Dar'

April 23, 1997 | Issue 31•15

WASHINGTON, DC—McDonnell-Douglas unveiled its new $500 million "Gay-Dar" homosexual-detection system Monday, the most sophisticated such system ever developed. "This device can instinctively tell the sexual orientation of an individual at distances of up to 12 miles. Somehow, it just knows," McDonnell-Douglas CEO Frank Reed said. "The military applications of the system are limitless, not just against potentially gay enemies, but within the U.S. military itself." According to Pentagon sources, gay enlistees will be weeded out using Gay-Dar, and lieutenants will use it to know which women they may molest and which will merely get "all dykey on them."

Or "Gays Too Precious to risk in combat": https://www.theonion.com/content/video/gays...ious_to_risk_in

I love the onion.

Cheers!

- Stuck