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Marriage/wedding - Best time to Marry?


Guest curious21

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My fiance and I are considering doing the legal (courthouse) marriage about 1 year before our big wedding ceremony - does anyone know if the Catholic church will still marry you if you have a courthouse marriage? I heard they will because they don't recognize the other one and I also heard they won't marry you.

Anyone have a similar experience or know someone who did?

Now, I didn't get married in a catholic church..

But, You might still have to go through "counseling" and/or take a "are you compatable together'' test and what have you before they will "marry" you again.

Your best bet would be to ask the priest who is going to marry you what HIS requierments are, and go from there.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Taurus12

I was in a really similar situation and my best three pieces of advice are:

1) It wouldn't hurt to aim for the Christmas break, we almost did that and have a friend who DID do that and it worked out really well for them (although last year he and I ended up in the airport on Christmas eve trying to get home in time because his base wouldn't let them leave earlier) so I'd aim for the between Christmas and New Years time period.

2) Plan it for a few weeks after UPT. The best thing he can do is wait until he's gotten settled in and feels comfortable with one of his immediate commanders and ask them for advice. We were told by my now husbands OSS commander to plan it for when WE wanted (within reason) and the airforce will work with you on the timing of survival etc. so that's what we did. Don't get me wrong, he was gone the entire month right before our wedding and got back the Saturday before we got married and was at survival with a guy who had gotten married the day before he had to leave to go there, but still, our wedding was amazing and oh so worth it :)

3) Wedsafe.com go there, nuf said.

If a big wedding is important to him though, then start planning ;) I was perfectly happy eloping too but I think he would've regretted it and I wouldn't change our wedding day for anything :)

Oh wow...sooooo did not realize this was from 2005 lol. Maybe these boards could be cleaned up a bit to keep only newer stuff on here? Just a thought.

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2) Plan it for a few weeks after UPT. The best thing he can do is wait until he's gotten settled in and feels comfortable with one of his immediate commanders and ask them for advice. We were told by my now husbands OSS commander to plan it for when WE wanted (within reason) and the airforce will work with you on the timing of survival etc. so that's what we did.

"A few weeks after UPT" could mean anything. He might be sitting "casual" in the squadron he just left, he might be in IFF, he might be in FTU, he might be at the centrifuge, he might be at survival. Until you know where he's going and what AFPC has decided his schedule will be, I would hesitate to hard-schedule anything.

Oh wow...sooooo did not realize this was from 2005 lol. Maybe these boards could be cleaned up a bit to keep only newer stuff on here? Just a thought.

It was the same story when I went through UPT over ten years ago and I'm sure it won't be much different ten years from now.

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  • 5 months later...

Two questions:

Looking right now at getting married on the weekend after track select, which happens to be July 4th weekend. From everything that I've gathered from the studs in Phase III, the weekend after track select is free to your own devices. Is this a good assumption?

Also since July 4th is on a Sunday does anybody know if AETC will have family days or something similar on the preceding Friday or Monday?

Thanks!

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Two questions:

Looking right now at getting married on the weekend after track select, which happens to be July 4th weekend. From everything that I've gathered from the studs in Phase III, the weekend after track select is free to your own devices. Is this a good assumption?

Also since July 4th is on a Sunday does anybody know if AETC will have family days or something similar on the preceding Friday or Monday?

Thanks!

I want to say that my husband and his classmates still had their noses in the books the weekend after Track Select.

As for family days: That depends on the Wing Commander. I want to say "yes, you'll get either Friday or Monday off." But, that just depends on the Wing King.

Congrats on the engagment!

Edited by The Kayla
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Okay so i used the powers of google and determined that Monday July 5th is a Federal Holiday, so no problem there. I also perused around and found out here that July 2nd is also a family day, at least according to AFIT. Do different parts of AETC have different family days? I.e, AFIT has family day x, but 19AF does not?

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Okay so i used the powers of google and determined that Monday July 5th is a Federal Holiday, so no problem there. I also perused around and found out here that July 2nd is also a family day, at least according to AFIT. Do different parts of AETC have different family days? I.e, AFIT has family day x, but 19AF does not?

It can be anywhere from a MAJCOM to a Wing/CC decision. So short answer is yes.

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  • 2 years later...

Reviving this topic...I've been reading through the replies and just want some brutal honesty or helpful advice. I'm in a steady relationship right now and want to aim for marriage in the not too distant future, but my question is: should I hold off on getting engaged (and ultimately married) until I legitimately start training at my UPT base? Right now I am supposed to head there around the end of June '12 time frame which puts me at about five hours away from my sig other. He can't move until the end of May 2013 because of his job which my actual UPT class date is set for June 2013. I've also explained that I can't live with him if I'm not legally married to him and the job prospects suck where I'm going to be stationed. I know being apart is the name of the game at times in the military, but is this type of strain going to be potentially jeapordizing in the UPT environment? I've grown up on a pilot training base and saw some relationships work out for folks, but I don't personally know the intensity yet and won't truly until I'm knee deep into training.

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Reviving this topic...I've been reading through the replies and just want some brutal honesty or helpful advice. I'm in a steady relationship right now and want to aim for marriage in the not too distant future, but my question is: should I hold off on getting engaged (and ultimately married) until I legitimately start training at my UPT base? Right now I am supposed to head there around the end of June '12 time frame which puts me at about five hours away from my sig other. He can't move until the end of May 2013 because of his job which my actual UPT class date is set for June 2013. I've also explained that I can't live with him if I'm not legally married to him and the job prospects suck where I'm going to be stationed. I know being apart is the name of the game at times in the military, but is this type of strain going to be potentially jeapordizing in the UPT environment? I've grown up on a pilot training base and saw some relationships work out for folks, but I don't personally know the intensity yet and won't truly until I'm knee deep into training.

There is never a "good time" to do anything in the Air Force today in regards to getting married, having kids, etc... So if you plan your life plans around the Air Force's time line, then you will never accomplish anything in regards to your home life.

I got engaged and we lived apart for 3 years while I went through UPT, IFF and the RTU b/c she couldn't move due to her job. I got married immediately after the RTU and then went TDY for 1 month exactly 2 days later then got to my new duty station and within 1 month was deployed for 4 months. Another example is that my wife was pregnant and I was TDY for 5 months of the 9 months of the pregnancy.

So, just do what you want, when you want to do it and don't think about the Air Force...

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Why do people ask questions like this?

Because people on here don't have your vast experience and are seeking some real advice on this forum and not wanting to be ridiculed for asking that question.

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Okay, lets be brutal...

1) You say "I'm in a steady relationship right now and want to aim for marriage in the not too distant future". What about your partner? How committed is he? He better be ready because most training bases are not in great areas for short term employment, nor are a lot of other AF bases. This issue could tip the balance. Culturally, stay-at-home wives aren't unusual. How will he adapt to being a stay-at-home hubby??

2) If you get married now and continue to live separately there are some financial issues to be considered...some positve ("with dependent" allowences), some negative (two housholds to support when apart but only one housing allowance).

3) Getting married now makes him eligible for an ID card, giving him access to local facilities and dependent support (like medical). Could be of value.

Bottom line: there is no right or wrong, just differences.

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Because people on here don't have your vast experience and are seeking some real advice on this forum and not wanting to be ridiculed for asking that question.

You infer incorrectly, I wasn't shitting on or ridiculing anyone.

My point is this is not something anyone else can decide for a person and in the absence of an obvious conflict (for which no question need be asked), timing on marriage is really not that critical. If two people are happy and ready for the adventure it will work out no matter what.

Or, HiFlyer's BL statement.

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You infer incorrectly, I wasn't shitting on or ridiculing anyone.

My point is this is not something anyone else can decide for a person and in the absence of an obvious conflict (for which no question need be asked), timing on marriage is really not that critical. If two people are happy and ready for the adventure it will work out no matter what.

Or, HiFlyer's BL statement.

Copy, my bad...

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  • 4 years later...

Hi all, I joined this website just to ask this question. 

So I just got my OTS and UPT dates officially yesterday, which I'm super excited about btw. But now my fiancé and I are not sure when we should go to the courthouse. We want to live together at UPT for sure, but does it matter if we go to the courthouse before OTS or afterwards (before UPT)? If there is a huge delay in paperwork and everything preventing us from living together for months into UPT, then we would gladly do it earlier. We need advice! Please help. Is the DEERS update instantaneous or what's the deal? Does Vance need to know ahead of time? HELP!

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 I got married right after I commissioned from ROTC, so the wife wasn't on my orders. I just dragged her along and  showed our marriage license to the MPF dudes and they got the orders amended. So to answer you question it don't matter.  Deff want that marriage license in hand when you get there or you are going to be residing in the dorms. As sofforron said, just do it now and grab the extra money. 

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On 2/23/2017 at 5:06 PM, JenF said:

Hi all, I joined this website just to ask this question. 

So I just got my OTS and UPT dates officially yesterday, which I'm super excited about btw. But now my fiancé and I are not sure when we should go to the courthouse. We want to live together at UPT for sure, but does it matter if we go to the courthouse before OTS or afterwards (before UPT)? If there is a huge delay in paperwork and everything preventing us from living together for months into UPT, then we would gladly do it earlier. We need advice! Please help. Is the DEERS update instantaneous or what's the deal? Does Vance need to know ahead of time? HELP!

Pictures will help me make an informed decision on when or even if. Seriously though, my honest advice is to go to the courthouse ASAP. I feel better knowing I did it before I will even go to MEPS.

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  • 1 month later...

I agree, if you are going to do the courthouse, earlier is better. Can you get him added later and get it all done? Yes, but the less I have to deal with MPF and Finance the happier I am. It can be a pain.


Sent from my iPhone using Baseops Network Forums

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  • 2 years later...

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