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Lighten Up Francis!


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For anyone trying to decide between fixed vs rotary wing. I found a really good answer to some differences between helicopter and fixed winged pilots.

What are personality differences between helicopter pilots and fixed wing pilots?
"Fixed wing pilots are all friendly.

Helicopter pilots are all moody.

Fixed wing pilots are all confident.

Helicopter pilots are all edgy, waiting for an accident.

Fixed wing pilots are all happy because they enjoy big salaries and have stable jobs

Helicopter pilots are all regretful because they can’t afford anything

Fixed wing pilots like women with big floppy boobs

Helicopter pilots like women with small boobs and hard asses.

Fixed wing pilots always let the co-jo fly because they don’t like flying.

Helicopter pilots never had a co-jo so when they get one they don’t want to give him the controls.

Fixed wing pilots all fly big lumbering aircraft so they feel the need to drive new powerful Porsches and they drive them fast.

Helicopter pilots all fly sporty responsive helicopters and have near death experiences almost daily so they drive old pickups and they drive them slowly.

Fixed wing pilots go to the gym but just do curls with 5 pound weights to be seen in the gym.

Helicopter pilots start out with 15 minute headstands and then deadlift 200 pounds 200 times at home where no one can see them. They are ashamed to be seen not lifting more.

Fixed wing pilots like to retire at 52, because they are tired of the way the company treats them

Helicopter pilots like to retire at 75, because their customers which have an aviation consultant are concerned that the pilot will have a heart attack in flight.

For fixed wing pilots a long tour is a trip from LA to Melbourne with a three day lay over and return to LA. They complain about the jet lag.

For helicopter pilots a long tour is being home 10 days in 15 months. They complain about too much time off.

When a fixed wing pilot has a holiday, he and his wife will get a free flight to Fiji and stay in a free hotel and sit by the pool for two weeks, working on their tans, and drinking pina coladas from a coconut with pineapple chunks and a pink umbrella on the top. He scans the poolside for other pilots to swap stories with and as the day draws on some wife swapping may occur. Then refreshed, invigorated, and ready for work, he will return home.

While a helicopter pilot's wife goes to her sister’s on vacation to read romance novels, the helicopter pilot feels the need to prove something to the world so he will train hard for a year for this day, working on endurance and breathing. He will fly to Lhasa and trek to Advanced Base Camp for Everest at 21,000′. Then exhausted, and ready for work, he will return home.

A fixed wing pilot’s best friend is usually a black or golden Labrador Retriever. If his yard is big enough he may have two or three. A lab is a very intelligent animal and can be taught how to do very elaborate dance maneuvers, get a beer out of the fridge, close the fridge door, and give a high five on command.

Due to the helicopter pilot’s vagabond, here today gone tomorrow lifestyle, his best friend can usually be found in any stripper bar. If the stripper bar is of sufficient size, he may have two or three friends there. The stripper may be able to teach the helicopter pilot some dance moves but they are usually not too elaborate and of short duration. More often than not it is the helicopter pilot that gets the beer out of the fridge for the stripper.

Fixed wing pilots always seem to marry an NFL, NBA, or college cheerleader. These cheerleaders always seem to come from an old money, staunch, fanatical Christian family. The girl doesn’t want to get cut off from her inheritance so her and her father will try to convince the fixed wing pilot that due to the automation of modern airplanes, he no longer has any control over whether that aircraft will safely arrive at it’s destination or not. That decision is made by a higher deity. In addition, she will offer the fixed wing pilot any kind of sex he can dream up for the rest of his life if he’ll just go along withe their religious views, go to church with them every Sunday and sing, and say grace before every meal. From this day forward, the fixed wing pilot’s life is changed forever.

Helicopter pilots have seen lots of cheerleaders on TV and on the Internet but have never actually met one. After a day of moving seventy 2000 pound loads on a 200′ long line, into a tiny hole in the Indonesian jungle at 5,000′ with 6–8 drillers running around below him, the helicopter pilot knows that the only thing that kept him and the drillers below him alive was his skill, his decision making, and the quality of the engineer that is looking after his machine at night. He knows that nobody in the sky determines his fate and dancers to the beat of his own drum. Invariably most helicopter pilots have met their wives in the Atheism section of the local bookshop. After a quick coffee at the nearest coffee shop and several question to confirm each other’s non-religious beliefs, they are quickly married. In the months to come they soon realize that their belief in Atheism is the only thing they have in common, including the use of sexual toys, wife swapping, and black labs. From this day forward, the helicopter pilot’s life changes forever.

When a fixed wing pilot gets off a flight in Dubai he will buy a book in Duty Free about flying adventures in the Amazon, the Antarctic, Afghanistan, fire fighting, and Cambodia. He will nestle into his hotel room and enjoy reading the tales which reaffirm why he is a pilot.

A helicopter pilot will spend 40 years flying in the most desolate places on Earth, then write a book about flying in the Amazon, Antarctica, Afghanistan, Cambodia, and fire fighting." - Dude on the internet 

Choose wisely lol

Edited by Biff_T
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I board with the unaccompanied minors.  The FAs are so nice to you when they think you're a child. 

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So true!

Every Marine KC-130 after their mid-air….

Just back their astern trying to find a white basket in a goggle blanking out sea of disco show lights.

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  • 2 weeks later...
23 hours ago, ClearedHot said:


I like how she's using a gas stove.  That must have been extremely hard to cook with all of those poisonous fumes.  

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11 hours ago, Biff_T said:

I like how she's using a gas stove.  That must have been extremely hard to cook with all of those poisonous fumes.  

Remind me... the argument against gas stoves is that they negatively impact cognitive performance, right? 

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