I lurk on these boards daily, and post rarely, if ever, but these files are GOLD. I am laughing my ass off
First of all, WxPunk, I love when you he tells you he flew F-14s and you say "SUH-WEET!" and he says "whut?"
I also enjoy how he tells you about his little escapade which he originally claims to have "stolen" a P-2V, which in the next story becomes a P-3. In which he sets power and autopilot by standing up and going to another panel. Both the power levers and AP are directly to the right of the left seat.
I've gotta add my own tale:
There I was drunk, dumb and happy at Dave and Buster's, working on my 7th Gin and Tonic, playing the Sega 747 "simulator", just burning credits and trying to fly the plane under the bridge. I notice some guy watching me to my right, and figure he wants to play. I'm also plastered and am crashing mre and more when the folowing converation occurs:
him: "you know, planes that big can't fly that low"
me: "really, why is that?"
him: "the air ISN'T DENSE ENOUGH close to the ground, it GETS THINNER AS YOU GET LOWER"
me: "Really, what about take-off and landing?"
him: "oh...thats why we have FLAPS"
me: "wow, you sure do know a lot about this stuff, are you a PILOT?"
him: "yup, US Navy."
me: "WOW. Like, fast movers?"
him: "nope, I fly heavies, P-3s" (P-3s are not heavy category aircraft)
me: "wow, really? what squadron?"
him: "VP-(whatever)."
me: "oh, wow, are you like a co-pilot or what?"
him" "nope, Plane Commander"
me: "really? in VP-(whatever)?"
him: "yup."
me: "funny, I've never seen you in MY WARDROOM. Or in any of the squadron spaces."
him: "uh..."
me: "yeah, jackass, I'm a Plane Commander in VP-(whatever). who are you?" as I show him my ID, me in a flightsuit with squadron insignia
him: "uh...oh shit...uh...Sir I was just messing around"
me: "who are you?"
him: "I'm a new aircrew guy, AW3 (jackass), oh shit, I'm sorry"
me: "yes you are, go get me a Bombay Gin and Tonic while I think about all of this"
him: ".......ok......"
I didn't bust him at work, although I was tempted to. I DID tell all the senior Aircrew about it and told them to harass him at all times. He later separated early due to other bufoonery. Big suprise.