If they're going to do this, then it needs to be legit. Don't pussy-foot around, swing your dick and tell the real story.
Charlie (D-CA): Fired from her civilian contractor job for having an inappropriate relationship in the workplace. Completely unqualified for government work...elected to congress.
Hollywood: Minimal focus in combat, maximum focus on appearance...Chief of Naval Operations
Wolfman: The nav who thinks he got a raw deal in ROTC. Finally, selected to attend Flight School. Washed out. Got his private's and now runs a mock dogfight business in the Mojave desert.
Cougar: Flipping burgers since 1986 to pay off his tuition repayment. Recovering meth addict.
Merlin: Progressed to the rank of LCDR and is still a nav in Hornets...one of two in a squadron of 150. Mostly prints/chums charts all day.
Iceman: Never got over his combat freeze-up where the #2 guy had to save his ass. Recommended for separation after visiting Life Skills. Crawled inside a box of Twinkies and never came out.
Slider: Dishonorably discharged after popping positive for the juice on a CO-directed drug test. Soon after, murdered by a Terminator while in bed with his girlfriend Ginger.
Jester: Sim instructor... Vance AFB. Best hook rate 10 years running.
Viper: Retired. Can be easily found jamming up traffic at the main gate while trying to find his ID since he (like all retirees) figures that 0730 is the most advantageous time to swarm the gate for his daily BX/Commissary/Class-6/MPF run.
Goose: New SII: Crews will ensure they are not in a flat spin prior to ejecting. New NATOPS warning: WARNING: Ejecting during a flat spin may result in fatal injury. New boldface: EJECTION: 1) FLAT SPIN - NOT IN (BOTH) 2) EJECTION LOOP - PULL. His story beat to death during safety stand-downs.
Maverick: Went VFR-direct to the Guard at the first opportunity.
I say withdraw $100 from the nearest ATM. Pocket $50. Then head downtown and pay some homeless drunk $50 to kick you in the nuts. That should recreate the experience at a 50% discount and minimal time loss.
Fuck DECA/AAFES. I make every effort possible to avoid supporting these institutions.
If your base is the the middle of nowhere or an overseas location, it make perfect sense to have one. But for the most part they are unnecessary on modern AF bases, just a place for arthritic old farts to shop and middle-aged asian women to have a job. When you factor in the surcharges, you're paying more than you would off base.