Pregnant/Babies while at UPT?
Posted 19 April 2004 - 03:21 PM
Posted 19 April 2004 - 05:39 PM
It would depend a lot on your family dynamic. Personally, for us, it would have been the worst thing possible. (we don't have any children at all, so it would have been a huge change!) I don't think it would be nearly as tough if you already have a child or children.
My biggest concern would be that your husband would have little to no time to spend with the baby. I actually went out of town for 3 weeks while my husband was taking his Nav check ride in the T-1 (the biggest/toughest check ride in the heavy side of the program). He didn't even have time to talk to me on the phone for 10 minutes at night during that time. I would hate to have a new baby then if I could put it off a few more months.
Depending on where your husband is in the program, the folks in Del Rio typically give a student 3 days off for the birth of a child.
TankerWife is due any day with their second child and her husband is in T-1s right now. Get some input from her or PAB (her husband). In fact, I think he's about to take his Nav check any day now. (good luck, by the way!)
Posted 19 April 2004 - 07:23 PM
My husband was just about to start T-38's when our daughter was born. He was given 3 days off and when he returned, had to make up for the time he had missed-that made a couple of really busy weeks for him.
12 hour days are long and tiring with a brand new baby and a very, very busy and distracted husband. He comes home tired and frustrated and is faced with a small amount of baby care-mainly to give me a few minutes to myself. I try not to ask him for help during the week which includes nighttime feedings-he gets up with her on the weekends.
I has been hard but it hasn't been hard enough for me to have wished we'd waited until after UPT. He's almost done with UPT now and we've got #2 on the way so we'll both be busy pretty soon.
I hope I've helped by sharing my opinion on the subject.
Posted 19 April 2004 - 10:34 PM
I think anything is possible. You will just need to realize that he will be busy. Women have babies while men are on deployments, but it's a little different when at UPT. They will be there, but be 'unavailable'. That is my biggest concern! My husband is at OTS now and will be at UPT sometime this summer. We don't know where we're going yet though.
First babies change EVERYTHING. 2nd, 3rd, no biggie. You will just need to make sure that your husband spends more time with his studoes than he does the new baby! And I know that's rough to say, but it's what will need to be done! My husband is VERY attached to our kids. He's having a hard time at OTS because he misses them so much. I just hope when he goes to UPT he'll be able to stay focussed on his flying and studes and not us!
Posted 20 April 2004 - 10:15 AM
The only thing that's been a little rough on the baby side, especially in T-1's is the fact that a lot of the sorties ae out and back, which means you land somehwere else, get gas and then fly home. Any time a plane is shut down, it runs the risk of not starting back up properly. Last week, we got stuck in Omaha, but luckily there was antoher T-1 coming back from somewhere else with three seats on board, and we were "rescued". The wife is due on Saturday, so I was cutting it a little close there, and it's kind of stressful up until you're wheels up.
The schedulers here have been really good, though. They always ask for my inputs and they were really good about front-loading the work so I could get through my nav check (which went really well, IAGuardWife ;) ) and then be able to throttle back a little bit, do a sim here and there on OB appointment days, etc.
BTW, TankerWife is due on the 24th, so any day now...
Posted 15 December 2004 - 01:19 PM
Posted 15 December 2004 - 03:36 PM
I am in the same boat with you as far as being "baby-ready", me and my husband have been together almost 11 years and married for 5. He started UPT about 5 months ago and had he not gotten the pilot slot, we probably would've started a family. Now I can't speak for any spouses with kids because I don't have any. What I do know is that UPT is probably the most important thing your husband needs to get through in his career. You only get one chance at it and how he does here can affect the rest of his and your life. We agreed that we were going to wait until after UPT to start a family so we knew where we were going to be moving to and what kind of timeframe to expect so we could plan a little better.
You're right in the sense that at least if he's in pilot training, he'll be "home" and not deployed. But he also will have A LOT on his plate and needs the opportunity to focus on his career. I'd rather have my husband available to go to Dr's appointments during the pregnancy and be able to take a day off if he needs to when the baby comes without the fear of having to wash back a class and delay graduation. I guess the way I have rationalized it and quieted that little voice inside is that we've waited this long...one more year (especially a year as important as this one is) isn't going to hurt anybody.
Now on the flip side, almost every spouse in our class is either pregnant or just had babies so I am certainly in the minority here. Many people do see UPT as an opportunity to start a family and not have to worry about their husband getting deployed in the next week. ANd if that's you're only concern...then get to it girl! But I just want my husband's full attention to be on finishing UPT (and doing well) now. Then when I am pregnant...his full attention can be on me and the baby. I just think it's a lot to handle at the same time. But it just depends on how disciplined your husband is. Can he come home and balance family vs. study time? Will he be able to(and will YOU be able to let him) lock himself in his office or flight room a few hours on the weekend so he can prepare for the upcoming week? Are you willing to be the one to get up every night each time the baby wakes up because he has an early show the next morning and needs his sleep? Are you willing to go to Dr's appointments by yourself because he can't get out of class/flying? Just some questions to ask yourself and your husband.
Again, I don't have kids, but these are the things I have talked to others about and how we came to the decision that it was best for us to wait. Good luck in whatever you decide...
Posted 15 December 2004 - 04:35 PM
Though pregancy is a time when you will need your husband's support, having your little tyke will require much more time and energy from the both of you. So I guess I would lean towards having your baby after upt/pregnant during upt. Whatever your decision I am sure you will make the right one for you. God bless!
Posted 15 December 2004 - 08:12 PM
Tankerwife and I have two kids, one was born 3 weeks after I got back from an Allied Force deployment as a nav and 180 days of TDY, and the other came 5 days after my T-1 navigation check.
Neither one were what you would call "planned" :eek:
Let me start by saying there is no good time to have a baby. If you try to plan for the perfect time, you will have no kids forever. There is no perfect time.
That being said, both kids have been the best thing to happen to us. TWife got pregnant during a period of very high opstempo for the RC crews. I had barely 30 days off between 30-45 day trips. T.Wife endured a lot of me being gone during the pregnancy. We did live in base housing, where there was a great deal of support there and from the squadron. I did miss a lot of appointments. After he was born, I went to Instructor upgrade, and that kept me home for about the first 5 months, although I couldn't really help too much with the feeding part ;)
I was on the road alot his first 18 months, but it slowed down a bit after that.
Our little UPT baby was actually conceived during Tweets. We were going to wait till we got back to the ANG unit to at least have the next baby, but things happen .
IMHO, Timing wise, if you are going to have a baby at UPT (which I would not recommend), try to time it so the birth is late in the program. The early part of Tweets/T-1's/38's has pretty early showtimes and pretty rigorous schedules with Formal Release, etc. The last thing I would think anyone with a 0500 showtime would need is a kid who is up at midnight, 0130 and 0300. Later on in Phase III yo have a little more leeway. The student will get time off, but don't expect the 2 weeks of leave you would get in a normal squadron if he wants to finish with his class. I got 5 days, and thank goodness the delivery went smooth, or I'd still be down there.
Also, consider having to move 6 months into UPT from Moody to Laughlin or from Vance-Corpus, then on to Little rock to Elmendorf, all in about a 16 month timeframe. That kind of movement is possible. If your fate is pre-determined (ANG/AFRC/too tall to fly a fighter, etc.) and you know you'll be in one place, that's one thing. I just moved from Oklahoma to New England with a 5 yr old and a 7 month old. What a pain in the ass, and we only moved once.
As for bringing a family to UPT, it's a bigger challenge, but as long as everyone knows what they are up against, it will all work out. It's only a year. I think the older the little one is, the better, but that's just from my experience.
My favorite part of T-1's was coming home after a 12 hour day, grabbing a cold beer and going out into the back yard to play catch with my son and teach him how to hit a baseball. I would do that for about an hour, then come in with a clear head and get my stuff together for the next day and study for a bit.
Oh, and your four year old will have quite a colorful vocabulary by the end of UPT. :D
[ 15. December 2004, 19:16: Message edited by: PAB ]
Posted 16 December 2004 - 12:41 AM
Also, a newborn needs a LOT of care. It will most definitely overwelm you if you have to do it all on your own. And you cannot count on your husband to be there during UPT. Mandatory 12 hour days, study time, class time. I think of this as a deployment - he's gone until he makes his appearance (Saturday mornings). I can help him study a few times a week since my kids are all in bed by the time he gets home. However, with a newborn, you can never predict their schedules.
As much as I love being a mom, and I know the desire to be one, I think the best interest of your husband is to wait to get pregnant until closer to the end of UPT. Not nessesarily wait to start trying, but don't be in a miserable 3rd trimester when he has 2-3 sorties per day. If you wait, he'll have more time to spend with you and be involved with the pregnancy, and the baby when he/she gets here.
That's just my advice. Talk to your hubby. Be on the same page with him and you should be fine.
Posted 18 December 2004 - 04:43 PM
Speaking from experience (a mommy of 4) There is never a "right" time to have a baby. It all depends on how well you and your husband work together as a team and how understanding you are of his needed study time especially in the beginning. When we got to UPT we had three children ages 7,3 and 13 months and I was pregnant with another (now 11 weeks) We had her half way through tweets. So it is doable to have a baby at UPT. My husband studies every night (all my children besides the newborn go to bed at 7) And he studies on Sundays. But from the time he gets home Friday night and all day saurday is ours. He doesn't even look at a study guide. And it has worked for us. My husband has been in the military 10 years and we have been married for 6. And I know people say UPT is hard on families, and that this year needs to be all about them and studying(which it should be) THe time here at UPT is the best my marriage has ever been because we have really learned to be understanding and work together as a team. If you want a baby I say go for it if he wants one too. If I can do it with four, anybody can do it with one. That is just my two cents.
Posted 20 December 2004 - 12:59 PM
Plus, the insurance coverage is awesome. You pay nothing!
And, usually the income from the AF is enough to get you by, so I haven't had to work full time during this pregnancy. Nor have I had to worry about paying for benefits!
I, personally, feel like I've been treated like a queen during his time in Active Duty. If this pregnancy had happened during Traditional Guard Status, I'd still have to work full time, and have only 6 weeks unpaid maternity leave, etc!
Posted 21 December 2004 - 09:34 AM
Posted 21 December 2004 - 09:00 PM
The only ramification I ran into at UPT was the fact that, if I took too much time off, I'd fall behind, and for me, the quicker I was done, the better for the family. I really wanted to finish with the class, and luckily it was a smooth birth, quick recovery and I was already almost done with T-1's.
Nurselorber, we recommend St Mary's, but I hear Integris Bass is really good, too.
Posted 30 December 2004 - 01:41 PM
Posted 22 January 2005 - 04:13 PM
It's hard work at UPT, harder still with kids, but not impossible or even close.
Posted 27 April 2005 - 08:43 PM
Posted 28 April 2005 - 08:00 AM
He will have 12 hour days and you will be stuck with the kid for that time...you will want time off and the minute he walks in the door you will be wanting his help...be patient with him, and expect a little hesitation and balancing both UPT and Baies is tough but not impossible....
I did it, had one in upt and another in RTU of cource my RTU was 9 months long and most weapons systems its 2-3 months....
Can it be done, sure, but dont get all upset when he isnt around as much as you would like...You need to make sure you can live independent of him...can you make doctors appointments with out him? Can you handle being a single mom during most of the day? if you can go for it...if you arent sure...think about it...
Posted 30 July 2008 - 11:59 PM
Posted 31 July 2008 - 06:43 AM
My class leader and his wife had a baby in the middle of Phase II. He still had to attend a few hours of academics a few days a week, but he was given a few days off from flying to spend a little time with the kiddo.
Probably won't be as much time off as you both would like, but he graduated just fine
Good luck and conrats.
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