[JarheadBoom]

Heard a couple weeks ago; the receiver was returning to precontact after a briefed radio-silent disconnect....

Rcvr: "Hey boom, just a heads-up, the PDI's went out for a couple seconds before the disconnect, and the next light I got was a steady AFT light"
Me: "xx, that's correct"
Rcvr - "Are they supposed to do that?"
--pregnant pause as my instructor and I stare at each other in disbelief--
Rcvr: "Uhhh, disregard"
Tnkr AC [interphone]: "Did he really just ask you why the PDI's went out??"
Me [interphone]: "Yep"
Tnkr AC [interphone]: "Some people's kids..."

[PaddyPilot]

(kagc)
ATC: N##### Advise motorcycle on taxiway

later that year

we're downwind for 28 and these alarms start going off on the atc frequency and some random hillbilly pilot keys his mike and just starts screaming. it was the funniest thing i ever heard.

[FallingOsh]

Last week

Aircraft: Sheppard ground, Poker xx, taxi with Mike
Ground: Banger xx, taxi 15C
Aircraft: Confirm Poker taki 15C
Ground: Afirm, Banger
Aircraft: Negative. POKER xx for taxi
Ground: Say again callsign
Aircraft: POKER xx, POKE HER!, POKE HER TAXI!!
Ground: Poker taxi 15C


And the always classic:
FWC: Banger flight, after Beavr, cleared Goree
Banger: Banger, Beaver, Goree

[Cooter]

In the last week with AWACS (always a pleasure) on secure:

AWACS: Are you going to be moving track soon?
Us: Negative we'll be staying here for the duration of on station
AWACS: Copy, out...(he thinks he waifers off the radio) "those guys are the laziest crew out here"
Us: Copy your last

AWACS: Herk 69 are you up this net? RJ is not up this net.
Us: AWACS we are up this net. BREAK BREAK Herk 69 radio check
AWACS: Herk 69 AWACS has you LC, contact RJ on this net
Us: This is RJ we're up this net
AWACS: Copy Herk 69 will relay to RJ
We finally called it quits and tried other routes, AWACS never realized they were only talking to us the whole time. This also doesn't cover the dozens of times they do compartment calls over the radios.

Cooter

[JarheadBoom]

Boom, on Jan 27 2008, 05:44 AM, said:

After briefing a practice radio silent separation.

Receiver - "Why are you flashing your lights at me? Oh shit, my bad."

On that same note:
"Hey Boom, your PDI's are all flashing at once..... uhhhhmm....."
[C-17 gets smaller in the sighting window]
"Sorry 'bout that, Boom"



Last week, F-16 on the boom, 5 others on our wings:
me - "x4, forward limit, back 5"
[F-16 proceeds to back out rapidly to the aft limit and I kick him off the boom]
Lead F-16: "Beer"
"2"
"3"
"5"
"6"
[brief pause]
"Damn..."

[PirateAF]

I wish I could remember the exact details as it was told to me - this was told to me by a wizened old instructor of mine in the C-17 at CHS who used to fly the KC-10.

Flying home from Europe talking to Boston center, this 10 pilot responds to a female controller check-in and then not realizing that the mic is still keyed indicates something like "with a voice like that I'll bet she'd like me to " etc...so of course the controller asks "Calling Boston say again"...and this retard instead of keeping his mouth shut actually says his callsign and "disregard".

Long story short, Boston ATC called his unit on the west coast, and shortly after he arrived back home the wing/cc ordered him to fly on his own dime commercially to Boston and apologize in person to the controller.

[Hueypilot812]

While flying a C-21 up to ADW, we had a center controller tell us this:

ARTCC- "JOSA 123, there's a Delta 737 at FL350, and he'll be coming in your face"
us- "Uh...in sight, JOSA 123"
ARTCC- "Sorry about that"

And I heard this one while flying a Huey at an uncontrolled airfield with a couple closed runways:

Cessna- "Cessna 123 is left base for runway X-ray"
The IP flying with me- "Runway X-ray is a closed runway"
Cessna- "Cessna 123 is going around from runway X-ray"

[Hueypilot812]

A few months ago at LRF (Little Rock AFB) when the assault zone was still open:

We had just full stopped on the assault zone, and the taxiway at the end connected to the main runway (taxiway Hotel) and on the other side of the runway it was called taxiway Charlie. Standard practice was to have the aircraft that full-stopped either hold short for traffic to the main, or as in our case, tower thought the traffic was landing to the assault, and we would normally taxi onto the main to allow the following traffic land on the assault zone. Unfortunately, the tower controller lost his SA on who was doing what...add into it the WIC aircraft (Outlaw) apparently wasn't paying attention to what was unfolding in front of them, plus we missed Outlaw's base call where they probably had advised tower of their intentions:

tower: Jody XX, taxi onto Runway 25 at Hotel and hold, aircraft on final for runway 25 assault zone
us: Jody XX, on to 25 Hotel to hold
(we then saw the aircraft over the approach end lights as we were taxiing onto the runway, but he was lined up on the main)
us: Tower, Jody XX, is the aircraft on final for the main or the assault?
tower: Outlaw XX, are you to the main or the assault?
Outlaw: We're to the main
us internally: Oh sh!t, go straight across!
tower: Outlaw XX, go around, aircraft on runway
Outlaw: Outlaw XX on the go (as they were in the flare over the numbers)
us: Tower, Jody XX is exiting the runway at Charlie
tower: Contact ground

I nearly had to change my shorts that night...nothing like looking out the left side of your aircraft to see six bright aircraft lights as another aircraft is about to land on you. Reminded me of Tenerife in the Canary Islands.

[RangerMateo]

Okay, really all I've got under my belt is IFS, but still two good stories made it out of my class...

First was the kid from the class before us that was on his solo about the time we got done with the short academic program. We were all sitting in the flight room listening on the radio so we could learn the radio calls. He calls tower for his takeoff clearance, receives it, then taxis out for lineup and throws the coal to it. The mic key is on the front of the stick in the DA-20 and he was so nervous that he was holding it down through his takeoff roll and the whole time you could hear "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god....etc"

Second story is better. When we're flying dual we're a "Tiger" callsign then solo is "Kitty". Needless to say, you get pretty used to Tiger and during your solo you get a bit nervous and are thinking more about landing than your radios (Probably a good idea too!)

Kitty 60: "Kitty 60, downwind 08R"
Tower: "Kitty 60, report base"
Kitty 60: Titty 60, base 08R"
Tower: "Kitty 60, cleared full stop [Laughter in background]"

There was also a story from before of us a guy that decided to add the Super Troopers "meow" to the end of his Kitty calls. Ended up having to write a paper on the importance of correct radio procedures...

(Yes, I realize that was three stories...)

[magnetfreezer]

Myself and 3 other IFT guys met the instructor at KCEW to do our pattern solos; while each of us went up (sts) the instructor would take a radio and go out to the end of the taxiway to watch the landings/give the guys on the ground some pointers.

C-130 flying into the rework facility at KCEW: "Crestview Traffic, ### 10 miles out, straight in for runway XX"
Student in the pattern: silence
C-130: "Crestview Traffic, ### 5 miles out, straight in for runway XX, any aircraft in the pattern please advise"
Stud: silence
C-130 is finally visible from the ground and we notice the stud turning base,
Instructor: "###, this is a CFI on the ground with a Skyhawk in the pattern on his first solo"
C-130: "Roger, Skyhawk in sight"
Stud: "uhh...Crestview Traffic, Aero Club XX turning final runway XX, full stop"

[VNE]

While waiting 45 min. for ground clearance out of Love field (Dallas):

Tower: (busy giving clearance to other aircraft)
Pilot: I'm f*^king bored!
Tower: (continues giving clearances)
Pilot: I'm f*^king bored!
Tower: Quiet! (then still continues giving clearances)
Pilot: I'm f*^king bored!
Tower: WHO IS THIS, IDENTIFY YOURSELF!!!
---brief pause---
Pilot: I said I was f*^king bored...not f*^king stupid!

[Gravedigger]

VNE, on Jan 30 2008, 04:53 AM, said:

While waiting 45 min. for ground clearance out of Love field (Dallas):

Tower: (busy giving clearance to other aircraft)
Pilot: I'm f*^king bored!
Tower: (continues giving clearances)
Pilot: I'm f*^king bored!
Tower: Quiet! (then still continues giving clearances)
Pilot: I'm f*^king bored!
Tower: WHO IS THIS, IDENTIFY YOURSELF!!!
---brief pause---
Pilot: I said I was f*^king bored...not f*^king stupid!

This must have happened at every airport, once a week, for the last 20 years...

[Murph]

Talon I dudes talking to the chick working Crowbar; a British controlling agency in south afghanistan...

Talon I: "Crowbar, Talon 69, request."
Crowbar: "Go ahead with request."
Talon I: "Please state your weight in stones and hair color."
Crowbar: "I'm everything you can imagine"

[HerkFE]

While maybe not the funniest, this happened recently. We had an IFR flight plan filed but we wanted to takeoff VFR, do a pattern, land, let off the IP, then pick up our clearance. While this sounds simple enough and we do it all the time, it still causes mass hysteria.

Us: What I just said above.
Ground: Uhhhhh, you want to what?
Us: (Repeat what I said above.)
Ground: Standby....long pause....so you wanna do blah, blah?
Us: No, we wanted do (what I said above).

This went back and forth a few times

Ground: So let me get this straight you want to do (what I said above)?

Us: Roger.
Ground: Okay, sorry about that. I just wanted to make sure that our balls were the same.
Us: (Silence)

This post has been edited by HerkFE: 31 January 2008 - 05:55 PM

[FourFans130]

Heard yesterday at Cope Tiger after a go around due to a dog on the runway.

Pilot: "Tower, be advised there is a dog on the runway."

Udon Tower: "Approved as requested!"


What language barrier?