[contraildash]

The_Ginger, on 31 January 2010 - 09:11 AM, said:

Cool bird.

I touched it's titty a few years back:

 B24me1_33.jpg (191.8K)
Number of downloads: 456

When leaving German controllers, everyone usually throws out a "tschüss". The other day on my way back from Aviano, we heard a JAL flight get handed off and it was "aarr-shroooss-ra". So stereotypically priceless. I wish I could record that kinda stuff....

[outbreak]

contraildash, on 31 January 2010 - 05:25 PM, said:

When leaving German controllers, everyone usually throws out a "tschüss". The other day on my way back from Aviano, we heard a JAL flight get handed off and it was "aarr-shroooss-ra". So stereotypically priceless. I wish I could record that kinda stuff....

Too many consonants in that word.

[Dead Last]

outbreak, on 30 January 2010 - 12:25 PM, said:

When we call ground for clearance, we don't give a destination, just "tactical to the north." I wasn't on the crew, but I heard about it later, when a copilot gave their destination ICAO to the tower chief.

Ground: Ooohhhh Crome XX, you tell me destination is Baghdad. I call Al Quaida. Five thousand dollars and I won't call them!

I got the chance to meet him back in '05 and the guy has some stories to tell, if you get the chance it's worth it.

I have been in the other theater for the past couple years so it sounds like I've missed out on some gems...

cheers

[ak47]

So we were cruising around the world with FRED last week watching the dots pass us by on the NAV display. The opposite direction was pretty busy so we were chatting about planes passing 1k' directly overhead when an Emirates A380 wizzed past. The mic keyed and we heard in a calm (American, strangely) voice "we're bigger than you." We cracked up, but sadly, yes, that's a huge-ass plane. Our only consolation is that our tail won't fall off...

[Hvydvr]

Names witheld to protect the innocent:

One dark calm night over France

REACH ###: "Marseilles Cntrl, RCH ### checking in 280."

Cntl (In a sexy French female voice) Rojaa RCH ### cleared Lyon Satolas then as filed."

A few minutes later....

REACH YYY: "Marseilles Control, RCH YYY checking in 280."

Cntl responds in the same sexy way.

Over the primary ATC victor freq comes RCH ### "Dude, she speaks French...I touch myself...."

RCH YYY over AMC Common (uniform): "That went out over victor dumbass."

Sexy French girl...."Calling Marseilles?"

All crew on freq sit in the dark and wonder what she looks like. RCH ### is thankfully silent.

[JarheadBoom]

Thread revival

Heard a couple nights ago:

(male, amped-up redneck): "Goooood evenin' Wash Center, this is CIIIIIIIIIIII-TATION xxxx, climbin' through fourteen-point-five for Flight Level Two-Threeeeee-Zerooo, havin' a WONDERFUL evenin'!!"
Wash. Center (female, totally unimpressed): "Citation xxxx, Washington Center, roger."

Later in the same flight...
"Command Post, Reach xxx, we're about uhhhhh 30 out, we're uhhhhh A2, and we've ahhhhh got x pallets, [5-second pause with radio still keyed] and uhhhh 4 of them are T2s, and we've got 7 uhhhhh Space-As, [3-second pause with radio still keyed] and we'll need Customs, and ahhhhh, we don't have any Customs forms, so uhhhhh we'll need some Customs forms brought out when we arrive, annnnnd [5-second pause with radio still keyed] we'll need 60k of fuel, and a bus for uhhhhh x crewmembers. [3-second pause with radio still keyed] How copy?"

I wanted to reach through the radio and choke the dude until the noises stopped...

[BQZip01]

JarheadBoom, on 05 May 2010 - 12:25 AM, said:

Thread revival

Heard a couple nights ago:

(male, amped-up redneck): "Goooood evenin' Wash Center, this is CIIIIIIIIIIII-TATION xxxx, climbin' through fourteen-point-five for Flight Level Two-Threeeeee-Zerooo, havin' a WONDERFUL evenin'!!"
Wash. Center (female, totally unimpressed): "Citation xxxx, Washington Center, roger."

Later in the same flight...
"Command Post, Reach xxx, we're about uhhhhh 30 out, we're uhhhhh A2, and we've ahhhhh got x pallets, [5-second pause with radio still keyed] and uhhhh 4 of them are T2s, and we've got 7 uhhhhh Space-As, [3-second pause with radio still keyed] and we'll need Customs, and ahhhhh, we don't have any Customs forms, so uhhhhh we'll need some Customs forms brought out when we arrive, annnnnd [5-second pause with radio still keyed] we'll need 60k of fuel, and a bus for uhhhhh x crewmembers. [3-second pause with radio still keyed] How copy?"

I wanted to reach through the radio and choke the dude until the noises stopped...

What's the funniest thing you've heard over the radio, not the most annoying

[daynightindicator]

Couple years ago while preflighting a jet out at the Deid...

"Any player, BoneXX, radio check AC-1"

"BoneXX, Wizard has you loud and clear."

"Wizard, BoneXX has you same, thanks."

(30 sec. later)

"BoneXX, Wizard - turn right IMMEDIATELY!!! Traffic BRA 069/6.9 FLXXX opposite direction!!"

"Uhh, Wizard, BoneXX is on the ramp at Al Udeid..."

"Bone, uhh, Wizard....copy all...traffic no factor"

[kack911]

We decided that intercom antics are fair game, right?

From the jumpseat:

Captain - "Gear down, Flaps 45."

F/O - "Drop it like it's hot!"

[snoopyeast]

Tanker getting ready to leave the airshow. Fighter after fighter are leaving ahead and all asking for unrestricted to FL really high. Tanker at the hold short line, waits for the last fighter to make his request, then keys the radio and asks for unrestricted to 20k.

Tower: Aircraft 69, would you like me to read the convective SIGMET?
Aircraft 69: Go ahead.
Tower: Proceeds to read for 5 minutes the SIGMET.
Aircraft 69: Roger, thanks for the info
Tower: Aircraft 69, can you read all that back to me.

That was funny.

[Ferg]

snoopyeast, on 05 May 2010 - 09:31 AM, said:

That was funny.

I guess you had to be there.

[BQZip01]

Tower and Cessna 172

Tower: Aero Club zero seven, winds 320 at 12 cleared for takeoff, runway 33 right
AC 07: Aero Club zero seven heavy cleared for takeoff 33-right
AC 07 IP (not realizing he's got a hot mic): I didn't eat that much at lunch you little f***er.
Tower: Aero Club zero seven heavy, you may have a hot mic.

[abmwaldo]

Conversation between a JTAC and GFC.
JTAC: We've secured the compound but it's the wrong one.
GFC: We're going to have to get civil affairs out here ASAP to pay for the gate. (which was destroyed during the infil)
Random station: I can't get MY f*$King travel voucher paid out that quickly.

[Crew Report]

daynightindicator, on 05 May 2010 - 01:40 AM, said:

Couple years ago while preflighting a jet out at the Deid...

"Any player, BoneXX, radio check AC-1"

"BoneXX, Wizard has you loud and clear."

"Wizard, BoneXX has you same, thanks."

(30 sec. later)

"BoneXX, Wizard - turn right IMMEDIATELY!!! Traffic BRA 069/6.9 FLXXX opposite direction!!"

"Uhh, Wizard, BoneXX is on the ramp at Al Udeid..."

"Bone, uhh, Wizard....copy all...traffic no factor"

Anything out of Wizard's mouth (sts) is the funniest thing on the radio.

This post has been edited by Crew Report: 09 May 2010 - 05:08 PM

[abmwaldo]

Crew Report, on 09 May 2010 - 05:07 PM, said:

Anything out of Wizard's mouth (sts) is the funniest thing on the radio.

First: Each of the AWOs (WDs) listens to four external nets; more often than not they are not the same net and every bit of information which is transmitted to Wizard isn't shared among the controllers or the rest of the crew (I'm sure you can imagine the amount of information which comes across 13 different UHF let alone 2 satcom, 3 vhf, 3 hf, etc...) So when BoneXX radio checks AC-1 he may be talking to someone, potentially not a controller, who doesn't share that non-mission essential bit of information with the rest of the crew and our training supports that. Do we make sure that things like TICs, CSAR/SAR, tanker information is shared amongst the crew? Absolutely and our crew TTPs/contracts are set up to support that information flow.

Imagine for a second that you, your copilot and your loadmaster (or engineer or other crew position XX) each listened to 4x different nets. Do you think all information passed among those 8-12 nets would get shared even with two-three crewmembers? If you're a single seat guy imagine if all of your wingman were listening to 3x different nets with a single common?

Second: We're system limited as to the # of SIF we can load to have the computer display your callsign when it senses your unique SIF. I'm positive that every aircraft which takes off in the AOR uses their ATO assigned mission # and has a valid M4 (sarcasm) While M4 doesn't mean much in certain theaters it means quite a bit in others. While that comm interaction is commical, thereby meeting the intent of the thread, I'm sure that there is no way someone could have loaded the incorrect mode 2/3 or stepped to spare and didn't reset the modes (sarcasm) thereby increasing the chances that the AWO (WD) would think Bone XX is airborne when in fact it was Bone XY.

Third: Wouldn't you rather have that comm instead of not having it and potentially swapping paint? Not likely but then again I'm positive that everyone, everywhere (sarcasm) is always on their ACO/ACP/SPINS/COF assigned altitude and in their corridor. I'd prefer the controller has the SA to not make that call in the first place but I'd rather that piece of extraneous SAFETY related comm instead of not having it.

Waldo

[Buddy Spike]

kack911, on 05 May 2010 - 04:08 AM, said:

We decided that intercom antics are fair game, right?

From the jumpseat:

Captain - "Gear down, Flaps 45."

F/O - "Drop it like it's hot!"

Funny not found.

[HossHarris]

abmwaldo, on 09 May 2010 - 05:33 PM, said:

(words words words) ...
Waldo

Lighten Up, Francis.

[capt4fans]

abmwaldo, on 09 May 2010 - 05:33 PM, said:

First: Each of the AWOs (WDs) listens to four external nets; more often than not they are not the same net and every bit of information which is transmitted to Wizard isn't shared among the controllers or the rest of the crew (I'm sure you can imagine the amount of information which comes across 13 different UHF let alone 2 satcom, 3 vhf, 3 hf, etc...) So when BoneXX radio checks AC-1 he may be talking to someone, potentially not a controller, who doesn't share that non-mission essential bit of information with the rest of the crew and our training supports that. Do we make sure that things like TICs, CSAR/SAR, tanker information is shared amongst the crew? Absolutely and our crew TTPs/contracts are set up to support that information flow.

Imagine for a second that you, your copilot and your loadmaster (or engineer or other crew position XX) each listened to 4x different nets. Do you think all information passed among those 8-12 nets would get shared even with two-three crewmembers? If you're a single seat guy imagine if all of your wingman were listening to 3x different nets with a single common?

Second: We're system limited as to the # of SIF we can load to have the computer display your callsign when it senses your unique SIF. I'm positive that every aircraft which takes off in the AOR uses their ATO assigned mission # and has a valid M4 (sarcasm) While M4 doesn't mean much in certain theaters it means quite a bit in others. While that comm interaction is commical, thereby meeting the intent of the thread, I'm sure that there is no way someone could have loaded the incorrect mode 2/3 or stepped to spare and didn't reset the modes (sarcasm) thereby increasing the chances that the AWO (WD) would think Bone XX is airborne when in fact it was Bone XY.

Third: Wouldn't you rather have that comm instead of not having it and potentially swapping paint? Not likely but then again I'm positive that everyone, everywhere (sarcasm) is always on their ACO/ACP/SPINS/COF assigned altitude and in their corridor. I'd prefer the controller has the SA to not make that call in the first place but I'd rather that piece of extraneous SAFETY related comm instead of not having it.

Waldo

From a previous AWACER to a current one.

Waldo guess you've heard this phrase a few times huh? "Hey GoatGoat, where's the traffic?"

Unwad your panties and and then remember these words that should be posted on top of every Goats console in the back of the Wacker.

"GET IN, SIT DOWN, SHUT-UP, HOLD ON"

[BQZip01]

abmwaldo, on 09 May 2010 - 05:33 PM, said:

First: Each of the AWOs (WDs) listens to four external nets; more often than not they are not the same net and every bit of information which is transmitted to Wizard isn't shared among the controllers or the rest of the crew (I'm sure you can imagine the amount of information which comes across 13 different UHF let alone 2 satcom, 3 vhf, 3 hf, etc...) So when BoneXX radio checks AC-1 he may be talking to someone, potentially not a controller, who doesn't share that non-mission essential bit of information with the rest of the crew and our training supports that. Do we make sure that things like TICs, CSAR/SAR, tanker information is shared amongst the crew? Absolutely and our crew TTPs/contracts are set up to support that information flow.

Imagine for a second that you, your copilot and your loadmaster (or engineer or other crew position XX) each listened to 4x different nets. Do you think all information passed among those 8-12 nets would get shared even with two-three crewmembers? If you're a single seat guy imagine if all of your wingman were listening to 3x different nets with a single common?

Second: We're system limited as to the # of SIF we can load to have the computer display your callsign when it senses your unique SIF. I'm positive that every aircraft which takes off in the AOR uses their ATO assigned mission # and has a valid M4 (sarcasm) While M4 doesn't mean much in certain theaters it means quite a bit in others. While that comm interaction is commical, thereby meeting the intent of the thread, I'm sure that there is no way someone could have loaded the incorrect mode 2/3 or stepped to spare and didn't reset the modes (sarcasm) thereby increasing the chances that the AWO (WD) would think Bone XX is airborne when in fact it was Bone XY.

Third: Wouldn't you rather have that comm instead of not having it and potentially swapping paint? Not likely but then again I'm positive that everyone, everywhere (sarcasm) is always on their ACO/ACP/SPINS/COF assigned altitude and in their corridor. I'd prefer the controller has the SA to not make that call in the first place but I'd rather that piece of extraneous SAFETY related comm instead of not having it.

Waldo

QUIBBLING!!!

[abmwaldo]

BQZip01, on 10 May 2010 - 06:43 PM, said:

QUIBBLING!!!

Valid and on to the next "funniest thing you've heard over the radio" so as to not derail another thread.